Curt's man, Moammar

Curt Weldon
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Weldon,

Next to the white Christian male, Republican Congressmen are quickly becoming the most put upon group around. One minute, you're being persecuted for offering legislative sponsorship opportunities to corporations and the next you're being criticized for the way your leg shakes when Our Leader rubs your belly.

That's why I was so happy to see you stand up to Tom Ferrick Jr. It wasn't fair of him to write that you had attended the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's crowning as "humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent." I wish I could have seen his face when you told him that you left the ceremony immediately after you honored Gen. Moammar Gadhafi as a "man of peace," and wasn't there for Moon's coronation.

I bet it was a big thrill to be chosen to honor Gen. Gadafi. I hear he's one heck of a nice guy. Did he give you an autographed copy of his Little Green Book?

Appearing with world leaders has to be good for your image. You should do it more often. Have you thought of doing something with Kim Jong Il. A Friars Club like roast would be a heck of a lot of fun. Everyone could make jokes about how his father's monuments are bigger than his. Then you and Kim could take turns giving them pain approaching, but not equivalent to, that experienced during organ failure.

You could even turn it into a great corporate sponsorship opportunity by selling ad space on your suits and putting one of those Golden Palace henna tattoos on your foreheads. Hey, I bet you could also do that on C-Span during votes. Now, that's the kind of idea that'll get you one of the good chairs at the caucus meetings. Feel free to use it. All I ask for is a 20% cut.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot