Jesus is her campaign consultant

Rep. Katherine Harris
Candidate for the US Senate

Dear Rep. Harris,

Don't listen to your detractors. I think it's great that you've driven off your more secular-minded advisors like Ed Rollins, Adam Goodman, and Jamie Miller and given over control of your campaign to Dr. Dale Burroughs of the Biblical Heritage Institute.

I'm not usually very supportive of women doing God's work--or even being senators for that matter--but, after looking at Dr. Dale's credentials as one of our fiercest warriors in both the War On Love and the War on Women, I think you're in very good hands. Her work for one of the most vicious persecutors of homosexuals around, Rev. Don Wildmon's Arlington Group; her forced childbirth advocacy work with the Committee for Justice; and her tireless efforts promoting America for Jesus tell me all I need to know about her. Surely, she has what it takes to raise your campaign from the dead this Easter season.

Of course, you also bring something very special to your campaign: your miraculous Kabbalah water. Perhaps you and Dr. Dale could combine your specialties and use the magic water to turn homosexuals into heterosexuals or to make gynecologist's hands fall off or something. If it can cure citrus canker, it can certainly destroy homosexuals and OBG/GYNs.

Think of the video you could shoot for your ads. You storm into a Planned Parenthood clinic, throw your magic water into the face of the first person who tries to give you a condom, and their hands fall off. It'll scare the hell out of voters. They'll be too afraid to vote for anyone other than you.

You don't think that idea's too crazy do you? No, of course you don't--you're Katherine Harris.

Heterosexually (hold the water) yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot