Brady's choice

I want to thank John Moltz for organizing a campaign to convince Jim Brady to appoint me to fill the Karl Rove Chair of Official Truths at the Washington Post. It will be difficult for anyone to fill the shoes of the former occupant, Ben "Xerox" Domenech, but I think I'm up to the task. Please drop by John's site, read his letter, and then send Mr. Brady one of your own. Heck, you can just copy John's--Brady won't notice. His email address is executive.editor@washingtonpost.com.

Here's my letter.

Jim Brady
Executive Editor
washingtonpost.com

Dear Mr. Brady,

Please consider my application for the position of Conservative Blogger at washingtonpost.com. I have over three years of blogging experience at Jesus' General, the Official Organ of the Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution. I've also served Our Leader as a ghostblogger at His unofficial blog.

Once you've taken a look at the work I've done at Jesus' General, I'm sure you'll agree that I have a lot to offer washingtonpost.com. I'm well known in blogging circles for being the first blogger to write about the plight of Blastocyst-Americans and their cousins, the Spermatazoan-Americans.

My advocacy for these most vulnerable of citizens doesn't end at the keyboard. I've organized "NASCAR Jackets For Frozen Embryos" campaigns and lobbied the First Lady to form a Spermatazoan-American cavalry unit. Furthermore, not only did I invent a tiny firearm that Fetus-Americans can use to defend themselves from gynecologists, I've also asked the NRA to help me develop a "Ziggy the Zygote" program to teach them how to safely use their little pieces.

Like the Post, I was an advocate for Our Glorious Iraq Adventure long before Our Leader created his justification for launching it. Currently, I'm helping to prepare the groundwork for the Venezuelan Phase of Our Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People. While most of my colleagues were simply transcribing Otto Reich's leaks regarding Chavez's nuclear ambitions and ties to Mus-Com terrorists, I was writing about Venezuela's acquisition of Vogon battle cruisers. My colleagues have yet to catch up with me on that one.

Most importantly, with me at the Post's blogging helm, you and your bosses will never be faced with the thing you fear most--a phone call from the White House expressing disappointment with your content. I don't care how bad the news is, I'll shape it to make Our Leader look like he actually knows what he's doing.

I also have a very good relationship with the Senate and House Republican caucuses. They were touched when I offered them my Shiv Making 101 class and Rep. Delay loved my "If Amway Sold Smokes: Multi-Level Marketing in a Prison Setting" seminar.

Best of all, I've never worked as a harlot--no Jeff Gannon problems here--nor have I stolen another writer's work--Mr. Dickens approved my A Story About Two Places piece. You have nothing to worry about from me unless you're uncomfortable being around a man who is 110% heterosexual. That reminds me. Don't believe a damned thing Cletis says. He's a liar.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

P.S. Like Deborah Howell, I hate fucking reader cocksuckers.