United States Senate
Dear Sen. Allen,
In a recent speech, you mentioned that you had witnessed the arrest of a group of Christians at a homosexual pride parade in Philadelphia. What were you doing there? Philadelphia is a few hours away from DCand Virginia. Are you on the pride parade missionary circuit? If so, I'm surprised I haven't run in to you. I've been witnessing our Lord Jesus' message of eternal damnation on the circuit for years.Perhaps you could help me overcome a couple of the biggest obstacles I face in my pride parade pastoring. For instance, how do you keep your butt from getting sunburned when you're walking around in those chaps all day? Sunblock is out of the question. It seems like every time I ask someone to help me apply it, I end up on one of those fundraising films Rev. Falwell is always shooting at these events.
How do you go about picking up the men to whom you're going to witness. My method of showing prospects a shaved gerbil isn't very successful. Three out of four of the guys I approach laugh and say, "You're an undercover pride parade pastor, aren't you." And the fourth always turns out to be another undercover pride parade pastor who starts witnessing to me the moment we check into the hotel. Sure, after we sort things out, we have a laugh comparing sunburns and gerbils, but by then, we've wasted the whole weekend without saving a single homosexual.
How do you do it? Can you share a few tips? Have you ever used a ferret? Are they hard to shave?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A helmet tip to le Dentiste de Rotation.
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.