How Joe can leverage his $359

Sen. Joe Lieberman
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Lieberman,

I've been thinking about what you should do with the $359 you raised from the netroots. It isn't much--especially when compared to the $246,641.59 Ned Lamont raised from the same source--so you'll have to leverage it as much as you can. I have an idea about how to do it.

You're not getting the help you deserve from Rush Limbaugh. He only mentions you when you attack your fellow Democrats. That was enough when you were slamming you're party on a daily basis, but now that you have a Democratic challenger, you've had to cut back your attacks to a measly once or twice a week to avoid losing your base completely.

Fortunately, there is another way to get more play on Rush's show. You see, Rush has a problem getting laid. That's why he spends thousands of dollars traveling to foreign capitals of prostitution. Surely, he'd do anything you want if you could get him a little for free.

Now $359 isn't going to get you much. After paying for a room and taxi fare, I doubt there'd be enough left over for a hand job. You'll need to cut some corners. I suggest that you spend it all on a wig, a dress, a few boner pills and some fake breasts and do the job yourself. The beauty of this plan is that everything but the Viagra is reusable. You can use it all again to entertain the entire Fox News staff. You know John Gibson, Brit Hume, and Bill O'Reilly aren't getting any either.

Well, I hope you'll consider taking this advice. It might sound a little "out there" at first, but if you think about it, you've been servicing Our Leader in much the same way for almost six years now.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

ps Don't worry about it being a homosexual act. I'm pretty certain it's not as long as you pretend to be a woman. That's what Brother Veronica tells me.