Mennonites with a flair for fashion

Mennonites were, until very recently, a plain people, a people with a minimalist approach to fashion, a little black, a little white, and a rare burst of gingham when they were feeling adventurous. Now, it's not uncommon to see the occasional elder sporting a scarf at the local farmers market. It's a rather curious thing to behold at first. The sight of a nipple ring faintly distorting the fabric of a nice white Mennonite shirt can even be a little jarring the first time you see it. That is, until you learn the reason behind this shift in plain folk couture.

Pastor J. Grant Swank, Jr explains (a helmet tip to World 'O Crap):

When visiting Mennonite friends in central Pennsylvania, they informed us of their grave concern. Because they are born again Christians, life-long Mennonites, they are alarmed at the enemy taking over the Mennonite congregations.

The theological enemy equals homosexuals...

So when I read the letters to the editor of a Mennonite magazine, I immediately thought of the homosexual plan. It's a plot from hell. It is to infiltrate heretofore biblical gatherings with their diabolical dogma as well as sinful lifestyle. Therefore, they have now come upon not only the aesthetically prone Episcopalians but also the plain living Mennonites.

But the Mennonites? How the Mennonites? And why?

The bottom line is that Mennonites are known for being a "peace church" like unto the Plymouth Brethren and the Society of Friends (Quakers). Numerous homosexuals agree to be non-military and therefore fit right in with the peace accent of these so-called "peace churches," hence the gravitation of homosexuals to the Mennonites communities.

The "homosexual Mennonites" then champion pacifism while spreading homosexual lifestyle as God ordained alongside heterosexual lifestyle.

What is particularly alarming is that the editorial leadership, that is, especially in Mennonite printed material such as denominational magazines, have taken the side of the homosexuals. In other words, homosexual enthusiasts have infiltrated the printed word, the reading material going out into Mennonite homes and church sanctuaries.

Some might say that a few letters to the editor aren't a big deal, but I think the changes in fashion I've witnessed suggests otherwise. And let's not forget that they have an "agenda." Certainly, they won't stop with letters to the editor. Eventually they'll begin buying up blacksmith shops and using them as recruitment centers to lure young Mennonites into their anti-Levitical lifestyle. It won't be long after that when legions of transvestite Donna Summer start belting out She Works Hard for Her Money at hoe-downs throughout Mennonite America.