Pitches

Robert A. Iger
President and CEO
The Walt Disney Company

Dear Mr. Iger,

I'm intreagued by what you're doing with this Path to 9/11 project. The marketing is brilliant. You've taken a docu-drama based on right-wing conspiracy theories and convinced the public that it's a fact-based report on the findings of the 9/11 Commission. That's quite an acomplishment. Have you considered asking Our Leader to outsource other projects to you? He could certainly use some help with the war.

I suspect you'll be looking for similar projects if Path to 9/11 is ratings success. I'm enclosing a few ideas I hope you'll consider persuing. You'll see I'm adding an extra twist by suggesting that you cast actual politicians for most of the parts. I think it'll add even more credibility to the project.

Anyway, here are my pitches:

Probed: From the files of Project Blue Book
Think: Communion meets Deliverence
Aliens led by Bill Clinton (Ron Silver) abduct a farmer (Dennis Hastert) and recruit him into the homosexual lifestyle.

The Prototocols of the Elders of Lancaster County
Think: Witness meets The Odessa File
The utra-secret, Bill-Clinton-(Ron Silver)-led Amish Council of Elders' plot to take control of the world banking system is thwarted by a talk radio host (George Allen) who objects to the color of their clothing.

Cowpoke: A Story Based of the FBI's Cattle Mutilation Files.
Think: Rawhide meets Ransom
A brilliant FBI agent (Katherine Harris) hunts Bill Clinton (Ron Silver) after a cattle breeder's (Rick Santorum) most beloved cow turns up missing.

I've written up longer treatments for each of these projects. I'd be glad to meet with you to discuss them.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot