Raising Mike!'s hipness factor

J. Patrick Rooney
America's PAC

Dear Mr. Rooney,

After listening to your ads for awhile, it occurred to me that the hip hop language your using could be utilized by some white Republican candidates to raise their "hipness factor." Take senatorial candidate Mike McGavick for instance. He's a former insurance campaign CEO and his campaign shows it. The most exciting thing he's done is to add an exclamation mark after his first name. The man is in dire need of a hipness transfusion.

I've put together a graphic using a variation of the "I don't snuff my seed" line in your "Don't Go There" ad. I think it'd make a great poster or magazine ad, and I'm hoping you'll fund it.

I'm also working on another one for Nevada gubernatorial candidate Jim Gibbons. I'm thinking it should say something like "Jim Gibbons don't take no shit from ho's or environmentalists." I know it's not perfect, but I'm hoping you'll help me make it sound more authentic. Once we get it right, it could also be used by Rep. Don Sherwood.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot