Red America's favorite black man

J. Patrick Rooney
America's PAC

Dear Mr. Rooney,

I don't know if you remember me, but I wrote you a couple of years ago to thank you for running anti-Kerry ads on Black-oriented radio stations. I told you then that if more Black leaders were like you, we conservatives would be more willing to support Black causes--things like giving you your own schools, restrooms, and water fountains so that you could practice your cultural traditions free from outside interference. After hearing your latest radio ads, I believe that now more than ever.

I particularly liked the one you call, "Don't Go There:"

Michael: If you make a little mistake with one of your ho's, you'll want to dispose of that problem toot suite, no questions asked, right?

Dennis: That's too cold. I don't snuff my own seed.

Michael: Huh. Really? Maybe you do have a reason to vote Republican!

I'm sure it's a message that'll resonate well with black men. Worrying about what all their "ho's" are going to do with their seed must be a full time job. It's a wonder that guys like Kenneth Blackwell and Vernon Robinson can even find time to run for office. Heck, where did you find the time to write the $900K check to fund the ads. A handsome black man like yourself must have "ho's" all over the place.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot