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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

What's the matter with Idaho

Brandi Swindell
Founder, Generation Life
Co-Chair, Keep the Commandments Coalition of Idaho

Dear Miss Swindell,

I hope you're having a good time gallivanting around New York and having lunch with folks like Jay Sekulow, because Idaho's suffering a political crisis, the likes of which we haven't seen in the Gem State since Sen. Frank Church stopped the FBI from using the Mafia to assassinate subversive comedians.

If you haven't heard, the RNCC has been forced to dump a lot of last minute money into Bill Sali's campaign. They ponied up $100,000 for robocalls and direct mail and $377,000 for television (and that's without the Spokane buy) just this week alone.

Yes, I'm talking about your Bill Sali, the Keep the Commandments Coalition's candidate. You need to come back here and shake things up again, or Bill's going to lose as badly as you lost in your Boise City Council race last November.

And then there are the reports that Sen. Larry Craig is homosexual. I don't believe a word of it. Sure, maybe it's true that some guy put his little soldier into the senator's mouth a couple of times in train station restrooms, but that doesn't mean Craig's a homosexual.

Being a woman, you might not know this, but that kind of thing happens all of the time to good, Godly, heterosexual men, sometimes as often as four or five times a week. You'll be crawling on the restroom floor, looking for something you dropped when you had your pants down and, bam, somebody will accidentally stick his little soldier into your mouth. Of course, you'll naturally mistake it for a cigar and puff on it for awhile before it starts to taste funny, but it's all very innocent. I'm sure that's what happened to Sen. Craig.

You need to come back to Boise and explain this to people. And you also need to remind them of all the times Sen. Craig voted to deny basic human rights to homosexuals. Surely, someone who hates homosexuals as much as Sen. Craig apparently does, couldn't be a homosexual. Nobody is that viciously ambitious.

Heterosexually yours (in a chaste, Christian kind of way),

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.