And what about the War on Easter

Commenter eimel has an excellent idea:

General Sir,

In the coming War on Easter, I recommend that all employees of Walmart be instructed to replace the secular-humanist "have a nice day" with the Passion appropriate "Five Wounds of Christ."

So a typical interchange during the weeks before and after Easter would go:

"That will be $29.99 please."
"Here you are."
"The Five Wounds of Christ."
"God's Wounds."

Or something along those lines.