Small men, big cars, and soy-based food products

James Rutz
MegaShift Ministries

Dear Mr. Rutz,

Let me begin by saying that I'm in complete agreement with your conclusions about the dangers soy-based foods pose to the public. I was given a soy-based nursing supplement as a baby, and although my little soldier is normal in size--despite what the wicked feminists might call normal in their magazines--and I'm 110% heterosexual--really, I am, dammit--I don't doubt your claim that "[s]oy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality."

I do however disagree with your solution to the problem. Dropping soy from the American diet is not the answer. America's agribusiness heroes deserve better from us. The same goes for our automobile and oil industries as well. If we stop feeding soy products to our manchildren, who's going to buy tomorrow's Hummers, Dodge Rams, and Ford Excursions? After all, there'll be no incentive to spend that kind of money on a big, expensive, powerful vehicle if every guy is packing one of those huge, Italian 3+" man-cannons in his briefs. Men compensating for tiny thingies are what drive the American automobile market. The auto companies would need to retool without it.

I think it might be better to feed our manchildren even more soy so that the nation's agribusiness, auto, and oil corporations can provide even bigger dividends to their stockholders. It's what Our Leader's ownership society is all about.

We can handle the homosexual part of it by requiring our educational system to teach our manchildren about baseball and how to do an oil change. That's the best way to prevent homosexuality. If that doesn't work we can always hook them up to an electrical generator for a little aversion therapy like they do at Mitt Romney's church.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot