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Friday, April 27, 2007

God is my Copilot but my Coyote is Satan

Don Larsen
Legislative Chair
Utah County Republican Party

Dear Mr. Larsen,

I hope you rethink submitting your resolution against Satan's immigrant smuggling operation to the Republican Convention on Saturday. By providing us with cheap labor we can control with threats of deportation, the Prince of Darkness provides a valuable service to many of our most loyal party members. Heck, that and his support for torture are almost enough to cause many of us overlook some of his worst character flaws. I mean, sure he waged war against God and forced Ted Haggard to blow a masseur, but he also provides us with the means to break unions by forcing them to compete with people who will work for next to nothing.

If you need to pass a resolution against a deity, why not go after Ganesha? He has an elephant head for Christ's sake and his trunk is absolutely obscene. You can't help but look at it and start thinking about how Orrin Hatch's mouth is purtier than a bawly calf on Saturday night. I bet that's why Larry Craig is in so much trouble. There are Bollywood DVD's all over Boise. Ganesha's trunk is turning Idaho into the Sodom of Sawtooth Range. Utah's next if you don't act now.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to OZinWisconsin

Update: I am the Jivester's muse (in a purely heterosexual, manly, non-musey kind of way, of course).

1 comment:

  1. Mooser12:41 AM

    General, you might have noticed that Dave Huckabee, son of Mike Huckabee, Arkansas Gov. and Presidential candidate, got arrested for trying to bring a loaded (with extra clip) Glock 9mm on a plane. But did you know that he started out with ( best friend?

    (Miller County, Arkansas) Two boy scout counselors, 17 year old Clayton Frady and 18 year old David litickabee, the son of Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, have admitted to catching a stray dog during their summer session at Camp Pioneer in Hatfield, AR, and hanging the dog by his neck, slitting his throat and stoning him to death.

    Camp officials, who did not report the crime to law enforcement officials, have admitted that the act did occur and have fired the boys from their positions. However, no charges have been filed against the young men.

    Arkansas State Police conducted a perfunctory investigation, but did not attempt to locate witnesses to the crime.

    As you know, animal murderers often move on up to serial human murdering. Is Dave making the big move?

    Of course, all of the media left out this little contremps from their reports.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.