Utah County Republican Party
Dear Mr. Larsen,
I hope you rethink submitting your resolution against Satan's immigrant smuggling operation to the Republican Convention on Saturday. By providing us with cheap labor we can control with threats of deportation, the Prince of Darkness provides a valuable service to many of our most loyal party members. Heck, that and his support for torture are almost enough to cause many of us overlook some of his worst character flaws. I mean, sure he waged war against God and forced Ted Haggard to blow a masseur, but he also provides us with the means to break unions by forcing them to compete with people who will work for next to nothing.
If you need to pass a resolution against a deity, why not go after Ganesha? He has an elephant head for Christ's sake and his trunk is absolutely obscene. You can't help but look at it and start thinking about how Orrin Hatch's mouth is purtier than a bawly calf on Saturday night. I bet that's why Larry Craig is in so much trouble. There are Bollywood DVD's all over Boise. Ganesha's trunk is turning Idaho into the Sodom of Sawtooth Range. Utah's next if you don't act now.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A helmet tip to OZinWisconsin
Update: I am the Jivester's muse (in a purely heterosexual, manly, non-musey kind of way, of course).