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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

And then there's also that whole thing about jumping on the patriarch

Laura Mallory

Dear Mrs. Mallory

I'm sure you're upset that an activist judge ruled against your request to have JK Rowling's filthy witchcraft instruction manuals removed from school library shelves and burned. You're allowed a moment of anger. Heck, I think you might even be allowed to have a short bout of depression without anyone denouncing you for being possessed by demons. But eventually, you're going to have to pick yourself back up and reengage the enemy.

Have you considered the possibility that God doesn't want us to take out Harry Potter just yet? Perhaps he has a more important target for you, an author who begins to twist young minds long before they can read well enough to pick up a Harry Potter book. Someone whose books are little more than homosexual recruitment tools trageting children just learning to read.

If you've read my groundbreaking expose on the children's' book, Hop On Pop, you may have already guessed I'm referring to the late Dr. Seuss. Yes, he's passed on and is no doubt being subjected to the most constitionally-approved Cheneyian interrogation techniques in the hottest fires of Hell, but his books live on and are as popular today as they were thirty years ago.

Take Hop on Pop for instance. It starts out well enough with a nice picture of Mr. and Mrs. Brown (Mexicans?). They seem happy enough, although they stand a little too far apart for a married couple. One wonders if Mrs Brown is being submissive enough for Mr. Brown.

Everything changes when "Mr. Brown goes out of town" and then "Brown comes back with Mr. Black." If you pay attention to pictures, you'll quickly notice that Brown is walking arm in arm with Black (who by the way is obviously a Christ-killing Jew).

Finally, we learn that "Mr. Brown is upside down." He's switched sides and joined the homosexual team.

So I hope you won't let this Potter business get you down. I need your help. We need your help taking out Seuss.

Heterosexually yours (in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way),

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Anonymous11:45 PM

    Oh...I almost didn't get it.

    Well done :)


  2. Anonymous12:46 AM

    "At Tuesday's hearing, Mallory argued in part that witchcraft is a religion practiced by some people and, therefore, the books should be banned because reading them in school violates the constitutional separation of church and state.

    "I have a dream that God will be welcomed back in our schools again," Mallory said. "I think we need him." - Mrs. Mallory



  3. Anonymous3:39 AM

    Hmmm...well, if the books were actually teaching witchcraft she might have a point, and I might play devil's advocate and agree with her, as long as all bibles are thrown out too.
    But, since I practice what some call witchcraft, and I have read Harry Potter books, oh, and I have at least the logic and discernment of reality of fermented mayonaise, then I know the difference between the two. I really wish they were the same. I'd love to go flying around on a broom, hexing people and turning rats into teacups, but alas, it doesn't work that way. Believe me, if we could do even half whats in those books, forget hiding from Muggles, we'd rule the damn world. And morons like this bitch would be forced to repeat over and over, "I will not be such a damned fool, I will not be such a damned fool..."
    Makes you feel sorry for her kids though. Instead of putting them in a private christianist school like most psycho jesus freaks of her caliber, one that will cater to her lunatic whims, she makes them go to public school, where the other kids, showing the sensitivity and understanding schoolchildren everywhere are known for, probably pelt them with rocks and harry potter officially licensed pencils every day.

  4. Anonymous4:40 PM

    I totally agree with you...with what comes out of her mouth gives Hitler and his cronies a run for their money.


  5. Anonymous10:33 AM

    Just noticed what she's holding up. Udderly ridiculous.



We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.