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Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Yabba Do Times

Left to right: Creation Museum’s Ken Ham receiving his honorary doctorate from Liberty University, presented to him by Chancellor Jerry Falwell and President John Borek on May 7, 2007.


Iconic moments sear our souls.

‘Where were you when you first gandered Dear Leader in his Gibbous Codpiece?’

‘Where were you when Dr. Rice stimulated the nation’s economy, taking in the theater and buying shoes, as a Diaspora of her brethren aborned’?

‘Where were you when you heard Reverend Falwell had gone enormous belly up?’

Thus, I brooded. I barely noticed Nub serving me sasparilla and salted peanuts as he played ‘Snappy Flight Attendant’. We were on Cheney’s back-up Medevac Bombardier Challenger 300. VP’s Medevac One kept vertical and functioning on his unannounced trip to Baghdad, delivering a bouquet of serenity vibes for Iraq, the UAE, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Jordan. As the de facto Glorious Christian Conservative Revolution Cultural Ambassadress to Dubai, I was winging to Lynchburg on Medevac Two. Looking around at the heart monitors, the cardio-resuscitation system, defibrillator, tasers and the suite of resuscitation systems and equipment for anti-shock treatment, I brooded that had Pastor Falwell had a similarly outfitted sacristy I wouldn’t have to represent at his planting. Oh, well. In fact, I needed a good excuse to get out of the Emirate for a little while. You never saw so many brown people
Brrrrrr. The vassal action is sweet but they’re everywhere, y’know?

So, I go to lionize Liberty Falwell. I figure a couple of hours, tops, and then I am so out of there. Nub and I are booked into for a week. He’s interested in massage. I want some white vassals attending me. For looming large on the glittering social horizon is The Grand Opening of Creation Museum! New troops may be unaware of the role I had in birthing The Lord and Ken Ham’s, ‘Zero to 6000, Where Did The Time Go, Show’.

Seasoned troops will remember the unjust accusations of Mrs. Dr. Ham and my subsequent flight from her lying eyes. My serpents’ teeth, Hysteria and Xenophobia, sided with the lying eyes and proceeded to muscle in on my ‘Party Planner, Event Coordinator, Fund Raiser’ gig. They’ll all be slack jawed stupid when the museum’s anonymous mega-benefactor makes her Loretta Young entrance. Who’s sorry now? Crow pate? Raptor Rumaki?

You can bet that if I was still calling the shots on exhibit content ‘a special-effects theater complete with misty sea breezes and rumbling seats’ would surely never have been green lit. Dr. Ham, will you kindly point to the passage in Genesis that exalts wet t-shirts and vibrators? It pains me but I think a couple of serpents’ teeth proffered that lewd apple. Making plain my digust, I will thunder, “Dr. Falwell died for all your sins!”

Nub is renting a limo. If anyone wants to ride shotgun, I can promise you a very stimulating evening. Call me at First Place. Better yet, join me. The Dead Seas Weed Wrap really pinks you up for that full night of scolding.

gawd damn links!