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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Swiftboating Children (or My Little Bolshevik Cabindonkey Kicks Sixth Grade Ass)

Peter Cardarelli replies to my email:

Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2007 05:24:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: peter cardarelli
Subject: Re: You have no balls
To: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"

You are an IDIOT!! You write lies about Conservatives and then call me(?) a commie? My wife grew up under Communism.I am so far away from Communism and Islamic fascists man!! If you act like you are Gay? or a Racist? It just shows me you ARE a racist and a sicko gay.and yes...Godless.
But,at least you wrote back.So , I'll give you that.But it was just more left-wing accusations of sickness.... which shows I am right about you.
It's you and Moveon and Media matters and the rest of you Godless liars that ,if get in power, will try to bring us all down.And the Islam and Russia and China with just walk right in with all your blessings. God help us all.
Peter C

I respond by offering him a chance to prove he really is a conservative:

Peter Cardarelli
Suspected Thought-Terrorist

Dear Peter,

Listen here my little bolshevik cabindonky, I'm growing tired of your phony conservative shtick. Sure, you have the insane ranting, boundless ignorance, and passionate credulity part of it right, but as I noted in my earlier email, no true conservative would challenge another man to box with him. A real righty would hire some desperate, impoverished guy to do his fighting for him--just like in Iraq. I think you're simply pretending to be a conservative in order to make us all look like idiots.

If you want to convince me that you're really a conservative, you're going to have to show me through your actions. Fortunately for you, an opportunity to do so is opening up as I write this. I'm referring to the swiftboating of 12 year old Graeme Frost.

You know who I'm talking about. He's the kid who spoke out against Our Leader's decision to deny health care to children so the President wouldn't have to raise taxes on cigarettes. He needs to pay for that. His reputation needs to be destroyed.

Important party organs like the National Review, Powerline, The Weekly Standard, and Captain's Quarters launched the first attacks. They were quickly followed by Our Lady of the Concentration Camps. Although that's a lot of initial firepower, there's a lot more needs to be done if we're going to bring this pint-sized thought-terrorist down.

That's why I'm hoping that you will hunt him down and kick his ass. He's only twelve, so it should be easy--you won't need hire someone to do it. And if you're truly a conservative, you can enjoy it by pretending to be a Blackwater contractor at an Iraqi wedding.

We can film it and put it on YouTube. Then we can use the video to illustrate the point that health care is for pussies. And if we're lucky, perhaps Rush, Mr. Coulter, and Jesse Malkin will cite it as another example of how conservatives are much more manly than libislamunistofascists--heck, maybe Chris Matthews will even say something flattering about your package.

Do this, and I'll never question your conservative bona fides again.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

P.S. Say hi to Natalie. How do you know her? Bible study?

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