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Friday, October 05, 2007

I get mail...

...from an agent provocateur:

Date: Wed, 3 Oct 2007 10:47:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: peter cardarelli <>
Subject: You have no balls
To: [Gen. JC Christian, patriot]

I just want to write and say that you are such an asshole, punk, Godless scumbag! I also want to see if you have the balls to meet me in a boxing ring with refs etc.....I'll give you the first swing free.You sit on your ass protected by 4 walls and write foul pieces of shit you think are intellectual...but you are a coward who hides from the people you assassinate with your "Moonbat" bullshit!!
Well guess what asshole/ The American people can see right thropugh you,Daliy Kos,Huffington and Moveon and all your lying elitist Stalinist shit and will NEVER vote for any of the Dems for President...You can thank all your hate and lies for that.
So keep doing what you are doing buddy.Peter C

Here's my response:

Dear Peter,

Godless? You think I'm Godless? Well, you're sadly mistake you little commie bastard. Yes, I know your game. You're a God damned islamocommie. You're mocking me and my fellow conservatives by pretending to be one of us.

Well, my little bolshevik cabindonkey. You're not fooling me. While your barely literate, stream of consciousness, insane rantings might convince most people of your conservative bona fides, I know better. No true conservative would challenge another man to meet him in a boxing ring. We'd get someone else to fight for us, preferably an impoverished man, the browner the better, who, desperate to feed his family, would do it in exchange for a couple of pounds of tainted meat. That is the conservative way, Peter.

That said, I will wrestle you in the manner of our ancient Spartan forefathers. That is to say oiled up and naked. Let the better man prove his supremacy by driving his Mighty Staff of Domination home in victory.

We will wage our battle on November 1. Meet me at 10 AM that day in the men's restroom at the Greyhound bus stop in Tremonton, Utah. Sit down in the first stall. I'll be in the second. We'll authenticate our identities by making the following series of moves. I will slide by right foot into your stall and tap it 3 times. You will respond by placing you left foot next to mine and gently caressing my leg with your right hand. I will authenticate with the sound of my pants unzipping. You will counter-authenticate by whispering the following words: "ride me General; ride me like I'm Rep. Patrick McHenry's favorite intern." Then, wait 30 seconds until you hear me let out a groan and yell "Oh Father God!" We'll leave together for the field of battle immediately after that.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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