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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Highway of Holiness

Prophet Cindy Jacobs
Generals International
I-35 "Highway of Holiness" Initiative

Dear Prophet Cindy,

I'm hearing nothing but good things about your I-35 Initiative. Your prayer warriors are storming houses of pornography all along the interstate and forcing the resident demons to submit to domination by the Master. Strapping young Christian men are invading homosexual bars, laying their hands upon the patrons, and making them scream Jesus' name in ecstasy. Truly, we are witnessing the fulfillment Isaiah's prophecy that "a highway will be there, it will be called the way of holiness."

But Isaiah wasn't last prophet to predict great things for I-35. On one of your web sites, you list four modern day prophets, including yourself, who have received revelations from God exalting this holy interstate. I am now asking you to add a fifth.

For many years I have had a recurring dream about a man in a tuxedo and a woodsman. Mr. Tuxedo is a very effeminate man--obviously a homosexual from the city--who prances around carrying what looks like an old roof-mounted television antenna. Mr Woodsman is a true heterosexual American who lives down the road. At one point in my dream a cigar-smoking Hummer-driving nutria--you of those big rat things--pulls up to the Woodsman, and they start talking.

The Woodsman really likes the nutria's cigar and comments many times about how long and great of girth it is. Before long, he is begging the nutria saying, "Give it to me. Give it to me, now. I want it." The nutria then replies, "The man in the tuxedo has a TV antenna that is even bigger than my cigar, but he does wicked things with it. Let's go lay our hands upon him and bring his TV antenna into righteousness."

My dreams always end there. I awake, soaked with sweat, and my loins on fire with the spirit of the Lord.

I've always been very puzzled by these dreams. I could not imagine what they must mean. That is until last week when I was doing research on the Highway of Holiness looking for porn stores and homosexual bars where I could dominate demons and lay my hands upon homosexuals in the name of the Lord. I found pictures of the woodsman and the man in the tuxedo at a website called Worlds Largest Roadside Attractions. They are both large statues located along I-35. Obviously, the Lord wants us lay our hands on Tuxedo Man for the Lord and take his TV antenna (actually the worlds largest chimney sweep) and give it to the Woodsman to suck on.

I'm hoping you can add my prophecy to your web site so that others will join me in fulfilling this prophecy.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically approved kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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