Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I Feel So Dirty and So Should You

Bubbles Won't Soak Away Sin!

Last weekend, as usual, the stinkeyes entertained. I took our guests in to Mr. s., where he commenced telling his oft told stories of childhood hijinx. Remembering something very urgent I ran away and, in the doing, landed on the couch. I turned on the teevee to check out some bull riding but, since no one was getting properly stomped, I rapidly flipped through the channels. Wot ho? ‘The Seven Year Itch’. I’m psyched because Mr. S can go all night when he’s on a roll and he’d looked pretty fit when I fled. It was now shaping into a brilliant evening. My peals of delightsome laughter hastened our visitors’ apologies to Mr. S. and the dirty bastards sprinted towards me. So, it’s all, “I love this movie! Me too!” Giggle, guffaw and more of the same, etc. Did I mention that we were all baptized Catholics? Why would I? Well, I wouldn’t except for something I learned today. I learned that ‘The Seven Year Itch’ was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency in 1956. It’s harsh when you find out you’ve been sinning like a crazy person for years but it’s harsher still when you shove your only friends, forged in the same chrism, into that same musty confessional.

Stinkeye, that’s about as interesting as certain oft-told tales, says you.

You’d be right, smart ass, if you didn’t live by the Holy Viewing Code in your formative years; more to the point, if your parents didn’t live by the HVC in your formative years. Condemned movie, no see-ee, savvy? So, retroactively, my tiny salon’s going to hell because, no matter the vintage, once on the list, that movie’s a no see-ee. ‘Some Like it Hot’? Condemned! In this case, the bosomy Sugar Kane macked on big girls, so I get why certain skirted prelates would wretch at the thought of that lewd practice.
Nighty Night Prayers or Harrassment?

My point is that, as children, we were in bondage to stern clerical standards. I pondered my Marilyn Monroe sins and beseeched the Lord, “What of today’s baby brains? Why did Mother Church abandon the Truncheon of Father Knows Best? Why? Why?” The Lord, atypically, got right back to me and confided what I longed to hear. The HVC Truncheon is up and about, taking names and seeking vengeance!

I speak, reluctantly, of ‘The Golden Compass’.

Your prayer group, no doubt, has already banned this foul piece of indoctrination, so I’m not worked up over your immortal souls. No, I’m concerned with punishing people who saw it on purpose, liked it and then wrote about liking it! I’m not even talking about the Philistines of Hollyweird nor their fellow travelers in the MSM. I’m talking about punishing one
Harry Forbes, film critic for the Catholic News Service If this were a first time transgression, perhaps the truncheon wielding Bishops would give him a zillion Hail Mary’s and exact a rousing Act of Contrition but, no, his ‘Golden Compass’ hosanna is far from his first, or worst, act of heresy.
I join the Bishops calling for his head

Now, troops, tell us about movies you were forbidden to see as a child. Your adult forays have no place in this discussion. I mean, like, ewwww.

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.