RedState and Me

By now, many of you have heard about the fundraising email RedState.com sent out a few days ago. Apparently, they have been targeted by the grand libislamunistofascist software vendor conspiracy (LSVC) and need to raise $25,000 to avoid being forcibly violated in the back of a VW Microbus by Hugo Chavez and the ice cream hippies, Ben and Jerry.

If that wasn't enough, yesterday, we learned in a second email, that the LSVC (Hold on. LS"VC," as in Viet Cong? Coincidence? I think not.) is attempting to do something worse to them: turn them into a Kossian Marxist Utopia where diarists are rewarded for the content of their posts rather than the thickness of their wallets. Here's how Red state put it:

The Scoop model works great at Daly Kos because of the nature of their ideology. They are the Left. They are the levelers, they are equalizers, they seek to bulldoze all natural distinctions to force everyone into some Marxist utopian mush.

After reading that, it occurred to me that the LSVC is also trying to turn Jesus's General into a Kossian Marxist Utopia by attacking me personally.

I first noticed it when I switched over to New Blogger. My little soldier was no longer honoring the great warriors of modern-day masculine combat by coming to attention in their presence. Professional wrestling photos no longer bugled revelry.

The same held true when I tried to live-blog prayer sieges at bars for homosexuals. Where once such events blessed me with a mighty wood of righteousness, or in sieges that were particularly confrontational, a most holy eruption of the loins, I now experienced nothing.

Obviously, the LSVC has slipped some kind of virus--a virus that somehow corrupts my masculine essence, yea, even my most precious man juices--into my computer's memory. Like RedState, the only way I can end this assault and turn it back around on my libislamunistofascist persecutors is to ask you to send me money so I can buy stuff. I think it will take at least $50,000. No, make that $100,000. I'll need to buy a lot of stuff.