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Friday, January 11, 2008

Boards 4 R Lord

Beth Everitt, Ph.D.
Aiken County [SC] Schools

Dear Dr. Everitt,

Kudos to you for allowing the First Baptist Church of North Augusta to bring their Laces 4 Love program into your classrooms. I'm sure the children are very grateful for the new shoes and the ritual foot washing they receive as they're told the story of how Jesus washed his disciple's feet.

I'd like to see more of that kind thing in our schools. That's why I want to bring my Boards 4 R Lord program to your district around Easter time.

Here's how it works. We donate lumber for your woodworking classes and teach the students how to make crosses just like the one upon which Our Lord and Savior was crucified. Then we'll celebrate Easter like the good Christians in the Philippines do by crucifying a few lucky students.

Another variation on this could be used to motivate the students to read. You know how principals often pledge to shave or color their hair if the kids reach some kind of reading goal. We could do that here if you'll volunteer to be crucified if every student in the school reads, say, five books.

After you do it once, I think you'll agree that Boards 4 R Lord is a fantastic program. Everyone benefits. You get free wood for your shop classes; the students get the opportunity to learn cross building techniques use them to bear witness to Jesus' pain and suffering; and I my followers don't need to go all the way to the Philippines or Guantanamo to see a good crucifixion.

I'll give you a call later this week to work out the details.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


Separatislamunistofascists weigh in.

Washing feet in Alabama.

Where can you pick up foot washing gear?

When foot washing is evil.

Crucifixion in the Philippines.

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