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Friday, February 15, 2008

Please God, spare our nation from the oppressive yoke of the Bill of Rights

It's a sad day for America. Nancy Pelosi's decision to adjourn the House before voting on the Imperial Senate's FISA Extension (domestic wiretapping) bill means that the current law will expire on Saturday.

That leaves the heroic chekists of our State Security Apparatus in a heck of a bind. It forces them to partially comply with the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

I say "partially comply with the Fourth Amendment" because many would rightly argue that the actually language of the amendment requires warrants to be issued before people's conversations are spied upon, but such nay-sayers are missing an essential point. The old law, like all acts passed to protect us from the Brown, trumps the Bill of Rights, and it allows for warrants to be issued after the fact.

Regardless of when they are issued, warrants don't prepare themselves. Inquisitor General Alberto II will have no choice but to reassign some of the Justice Department's lawyers to prepare them. That means there will be fewer DOJ attorneys performing important duties like intimidating black voters, justifying torture, ending the soul-killing oppression of the white Christian male, and manufacturing eve-of-election indictments against Democratic candidates. I don't even want to think about how this decreased attention to our nation's most critical legal priorities will adversely impact our national well being, but I'm fear for this country.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.