Retraction: Clinton is not a serial killer

On Tueday, while posting on Sen. Hillary Clinton's support for the Rev. Moon, I noted that she had helped her husband murder 572 people in Mena, Arkansas by poking them with a pointed stick. A number of the Senator's supporters have written me since then, criticizing me for spreading false rumors. As one supporter noted, "You called Hillary a serial killer. That is despicable."

The Clinton supporters are correct. It was reckless of me to spread such rumors. I apologize for any anguish I may have caused them.

I will now state categorically and without reservation that I do not believe Sen. Clinton is a serial murderer. As far as I know, she's killed only one man, and that act that wast most likely unintentional. As I understand it, she meant only to cut him superficially on the cheek with a broken beer bottle, but due to an alcohol-induced deterioration of her sensorimotor integration abilities, she missed her intended target and regrettably severed the carotid artery in his neck. Claims made by some that he might have been saved by other bar patrons had the Senator stopped beating his limp, bleeding body with a pool cue and allowed them to come to his assistance are inaccurate. His death was a certainty the moment she drug the edge of that Pabst bottle across his neck.

I want to be clear, so please bear with me as I reiterate my apology to her supporters. It was wrong of me to accuse Sen. Clinton of being a serial killer. I apologize for any anguish I may have caused you. And yes, I understand that my apology and retraction may have come too late as the claim has undoubtedly already been transmitted around the nation in hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of emails, but please look at the bright side. Even if it were true that Clinton is a serial killer, she'd still be preferable to Barak Obama, a man who often dresses up like a goat and worships the false Mayan god, Queztlcoatl.