Expelled 2: the Fingering

Kevin Miller
Screenwriter
Expelled

Dear Mr. Miller,

I haven't had an opportunity to see your movie, Expelled. I'm hoping to see it soon, once you end the self-imposed hiatus that was prompted by PZ Myers vicious attempt to view it.

Did you know Dr. Myers isn't even licensed to practice medicine? He's a squid doctor! As such, I don't really see how he's qualified to discuss the origins of man (and his rib, woman). Unlike you, he doesn't have the four years of bible college and one year of seminary one needs to become an expert in the subject area.

I've been kicking around my own idea for a movie for quite awhile now, but haven't felt I have the scientific expertise needed to write it. I'm wondering if you'd be interested.

The idea occurred to me while I was fleeing the doctor's office after he said i needed a prostate exam. I'm firmly opposed to that procedure. Our Lord, Jesus, never had one. you won't find a passage in the Gospels where it says, "Physician, lube up thine finger so that thou may slide it up inside me and caress my gland of glory."

It's really nothing more than an act of recruitment into the homosexual lifestyle. Once you bend over that examination table you're bound to eventually find yourself serving as the entertainment for the 6th Fleet on Navy Day. I'm telling you, it's a fact.

Anyway, the last though I had as I ran through the plate glass door at Bear River Valley Family Medicine was, why aren't there faith-based prostate examinations. You know what I mean, an examination in which a bible college graduate takes your loins into his strong, powerful, Christian hands and uses the power of faith to examine your prostate. Well, I'll tell you why. it's the same reason why creation scientists can't get tenure. It's because atheist medical scientists are colluding to prevent qualified bible college graduates from being licensed to practice medicine.

It's an issue that is just begging to be addressed in a movie. How about Expelled 2: the Fingering. I hope you'll consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.