Faithful Friday

Dear Friends and Patriots of the Conservative Party,

On this 16th day of May in the 6008th year since the Lord created the Universe I would like to offer a special prayer for our next President of this United States of God, John “Maverick” McCain.

In all of his infinite wisdom, our future Commander in Chief has assured us that by 2013, just one year into his second term, the war on terror will come to an end and everything will be hunk-dory again in Jesus land.

Please take a moment from your busy schedule; stop whatever it is that you are doing and read aloud this prayer.

Heavenly Father in the Sky,

It is on bended knee that we, your humble servants, come together and thank you in advance for providing us with a perfect new leader for your favorite Christian nation. Once again, you have anointed another perfectly brilliant war-hero (and this time a prophet as well considering his recent prediction!) to march us gallantly forward into the next 8 years of Judeo Christian leadership. Like his soon-to-be predecessor, John McCain is well versed, levelheaded, and extremely handsome - only much, much, much, much older. Indeed, we are verily blessed to have this once-every-four year opportunity.

While you sit there on your throne of gold, the one with the McCain 08’ sticker on it, waving your American Flag, and alternately admiring at what you have single-handily created and viciously punishing sinners; please consider sending huge warring angels of protection to envelope and protect President McCain. You see, Lord, the Liberals will most certainly try to destroy him just as they have our current President, George W. Bush.

Without your intervention those devils will continue to use large words to try to confuse him and their media will go poking around in places it oughtn’t to be. A man, who is almost as old as you, isn’t equipped to account for all that mess. No, what President John McCain needs is attentive angels to whisper all the right words into his ears and keep the skeletal remains of his youthful indiscretions hidden away in the closet where they belong. Short of that, just keep Karl Rove alive and out of jail. Amen.

Thanking you in advance for your complete cooperation,

Your friends at the GOP