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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

McCain's America

Sen. McCain asked me if he could post here again. OK, he called me a "wussy cocksucker" and told me he was posting again. But I'm Ok with that. It's just his way, and damn it, I love him (in a completely heterosexual candidate-supporting kind of way, mind you). Anyway, here he is.

Thank you General for allowing me to contribute to your electrical computing pamphlet thing again. It's a great way to get my message out.

By now, many of you have heard about the speech I gave where I laid out my vision of what America will be like after my first term. I'm going to expand on it a bit here. But first, let me recap my speech for those who missed it.

We'll have won the war by then and many of our troops will be back home. The economy will be booming. Gas prices will be low, and we'll have more energy than you can shake a stick at.

But that's not all. By the end of my first term, prunes will be America's largest export crop. Laurence Welk will be reanimated and the 78 he recorded with Jimmy Durante will be number one on the charts. Matlock and Murder She Wrote will make comebacks, and you will watch them live because those video recording machines the elitists built to mock our technical skills will be outlawed. Phones will have rotary dials. Pants pulled up under the armpits will become the height of fashion. [What..what's that Lieberman?]

Please excuse me for a minute while I talk to my electrical computing pamphlet machine operator.

[God damn it, Lieberman you ass-kissing son of a bitch, It's my vision of America, not yours. I've taken enough of your shit. Graham, get your ass over here and hold this son of a bitch down so I can kick him. What's that? I don't give a shit about comity in the Senate. You fucking sit on him or, by God, I'll have Condi kick your ass again.

OK, that's good. Take this you fucking toady...ooooohfuckshitcocksuckingfuckityfuckfuckfuck. It's my fucking hip. Yes...I'm sure. I saw it on a fucking...ohhhhhh...Marcus Welby film last night. Get the god damned sawbones in here. and Lieberman, get off your ass and ...aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww... finish the god damned electrical computing pamphlet annoucement. Tell them you're sorry and give them an...ooooooooh...excuse. Fuck yes, write everything I said, you stupid son of a bitch. Except this.....ahhhhhhhhhh.]

[I'm very sorry.

Sen.McCain had to leave because the Iranians hired Hugo Chavez to to kill him. We need to bomb the bastards.


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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.