You Don't Have to be an Einstein to Know That Einstein Was No Einstein

It seems the suspiciously late Albert Einstein, father of relativity and the "shaggy haircut" apparently wrote a dirty little letter to another dirty stinking thinker wherein he offered, like some gadfly at the Cosmic Country Particle Bar & Grill, that the Jews were not the chosen people and the One True Lord is really just a character in a Dr. Seuss book:

"The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish."

What the heck was he drinking? Speaking of drinking, is it true that as you walk away from a bar everything slows down (actually, I've always found that to be the case)? Who does he think he's kidding? It's almost like he thought that believers would fall for anything! "Oooh, look at me, I know more than people who know less than me," he must have wailed like a wormhole wormy-thing in my imagined scenario. Well, let me tell you, Mr. Einstein in 1954, this kind of thinking leads directly to, uh, somewhere else (and when I figure out where that "somewhere" is I'm gonna go back in time and give you a good bitch slap, boy howdy, 21st Century Yahoo! Christian style!).

I mean, c'mon, all of this miracle stuff has already been vetted, the verdict is in and the Bible is 100% true, every last word in it, on down to the naughty bits. I'm sure Mr. E=MC Hammer probably thought that Christianity was a fiction too. To that I say: Prove it, dead guy! What is it with these Jews? First they say there is only One True God and that they are the Chosen People, then they produce some freakified genius who says

"As far as my experience goes, they (read "jews"--ed) are no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them."

Sweet Jesus Christ in a yarmulke! Don't tease us anymore, Jews! You had your chance to accept a variation of your religion as the One True Variation and most of you blew it! What, next you're gonna tell me that Joe Lieberman isn't really a Democrat? Who has time for this shit? I will keep on fighting Mr. 1954 Harpo Head until I am declared the winner! Maybe light bends, but I don't! Not much, anyway. Oww! My back!

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