Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

It's a miracle

How often does a graduate of an unaccredited Christian school like Pensacola Christian College get accepted at Notre Dame Law School and upon graduation, land a position at the Department of Justice vetting job applicants for political reliability? That's Esther Slater McDonald's story. It must be a miracle.

For those of you unfamiliar with Pensacola Christian College, here are a few of the rules its students are required to follow:


Men may not wear a necklace.

Hats may only be worn outdoors, but NOT at outdoor sporting events.

You may not shave your head (Caucasian students only...)

"Shelf Cuts," hair touching the ears, sideburns past the middle of the ear, bangs over the eyes, and hair touching the collar are not allowed.

Except for collegian sports, men must wear "dress sweats" for any athletic activity where women are present.

For White Glove weekend: "Men may wear jeans and collared shirts to breakfast this Saturday, [date of white glove], because of White Glove. Stone washed or acid washed denim should not be worn. Students must change immediately after breakfast."

Multi-colored polo shirts and khakis are acceptable "afternoon" dress; note, though, that this also applies to Saturday mornings, in which case the morning is converted to "afternoon" for clothing purposes. Sunday afternoon, though, is not "afternoon" for clothing purposes.

You may not allow the end of your belt to hang down from the belt-loops resembling a phallus. [This is my favorite rule. Back when I was a slave to secular cowboy fashion, I let a full three inches of belt hang down there. It led to nothing but misery for me. My wife, OfJoshua, would point at it and say, "Like, I wish." Then she and her girlfriends would laugh and I'd have to go out and try to beat up by a homosexual.]

Women must wear a skirt or dress at all times. Jean skirts are allowed at dating outings only [But only the page may wear them]. Long shorts (i.e., "gauchos" or "culottes") which reach the knee are permitted for athletic activity.

Skirts/Dresses must reach the top of the knee when sitting.

Women must wear nylons ("hose") with skirts, but may wear socks with shorts.

You may not wear pants in your dorm, although sweats ARE permitted after prayer group.

No two-piece swimming suits (although, this is a bit irrelevant since a male should never see you swimming).

DORM RULES [These could be applied to the House office buildings]:

You may not put up a picture of unmarried people in physical contact unless they are "little kids." (these are sold in the bookstore).

You may not wipe "boogers" on the wall. This is being cracked down on.


As stated in the Student Handbook, leaving campus is a "privilege;" one which the administration will revoke as they see fit.

Students must return to campus by 10:00 p.m. every night, including weekends.

A student must "scan out" at the campus computers, notifying the school of exactly where he intends to go off-campus.

If the intended destination is not listed on the computer, the student must obtain a permission pass from various staff at designated times. This is also applicable if you wish to leave campus on a Sunday.

No more than twenty students may meet off-campus without specific permission.

Males and Females are to use separate public beaches and may not go to the popular Pensacola Beach or to the nearby Boardwalk.

You may not go to a public library.


1.) "This is a reminder that the hallway in front of the Field House is an unchaperoned area. Couples may walk through the area during the daytime, Monday-Friday, but may not loiter."

2.) "This is a reminder that the social hours [chaperoned hours] in the Commons Plaza are from 7:30 a.m. to 5:45 p.m. or dusk (whichever comes first) Monday through Saturday, and 12:15 to 5:00 p.m. on Sundays."

3.) "The Academic mall areas are unchaperoned areas in the evening. Students taking evening classes should socialize in the classrooms only."

You may not interact with a student of the opposite sex in any way off-campus without prior approval and an approved chaperone.

Men may not give their suit jacket to their date.

Each gender must use segregated stairways, elevators and in some cases, sidewalks.

There is to be no physical contact between students of the opposite sex, except perhaps on some "dating outings," where hand-holding games are played.

Siblings of the opposite sex should not interact in unchaperoned areas to abstain from the "appearance of evil."

"It is proper, although not required, for a young man to give a corsage to his date and for a young lady to give a boutonniere. It is not appropriate for plants, fruit, stuffed animals, and other such items to be brought to Fine Arts programs."

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.