Commissioner of Public Lands
State of Washington
Dear Commissioner Sutherland,
I imagine this isn't a very good time for you. You're probably catching a lot of hell from all those timber and mining interests who've staked so much on your reelection. They can't be too happy with the news that you may have blown everything simply because you could resist copping a few feels in the middle of a couple of staff meetings.
Well, I don't think an inability to check one's libido is necessarily a fatal thing for a candidate. It's sure doesn't seem to be a problem for Sen. David Vitter. All you need to do is turn the whole affair into a selling point for your candidacy. I'm enclosing a few ideas in the form of print ads to help you do that.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot