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Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I'm pleased as punch to turn the blog over to Sen. John McCain, again. Please be good to him in your comments -- Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thank you, General, and hello, voters.

I'm sure you've heard all the stories about how old and out of touch I am. Nothing could be further from the truth. I've shown you that time and time again. Remember how everyone laughed at me when some dumb bastard leaked that I couldn't use an electrical typing intertubes machine? well, I'm using one now, aren't I. I'm saying these words, Joe Lieberman is typing them; and you're reading them on the General's electrical typing intertubes machine pamphlet.

I proved 'em all wrong didn't I.

They also laughed at me when I said my favorite song was ABBA's Dancing Queen. They said it wasn't hip, but I didn't care. It ranks right up there with Turkey in the Straw and Oh Susannah in my book.

But still, you have to play their game, so I found this guy the Mexican kids like. His name is Daddy Yankee. I like that. It sounds patriotic and reminds me of Steinbrenner. He's kind of like a Daddy Yankee. Funny story. Steinbrenner invited me to his house once and when I got there, I thought it was one of my houses, so I just walked straight in and turned on the teevee. No Matlock. I thought someone had touched the channel changing thing again and reacted in the only way a man can. I kicked in the tee vee screen, tore out a a jagged piece of glass, and drove it deep into George's leg.

It was then that I heard a woman screaming. It was the maid, and she was dressed up in one of those maid outfits, so she couldn't be mine--I require my help to wear Argentine Police Uniforms and stiletto heels regardless of gender. That's when I realized it wasn't one of my houses.

I apologized and George was good about it. So I said goodnight and went off to crawl into bed with his wife (I'd forgotten it wasn't my house again). She was also good about it and helped me add to the sleeping bunker I build throughout the night.

Anyway, I didn't come here to have Lieberman prattle on with his electrical typing thing about Steinbrenner. Let's get back to Daddy Yankee. My people told me an endorsement from him would help me nail the high school vote, and what's hipper than that?

So we take him to a high school class and I introduce him saying his song Gasolina is neato. The kids went wild. It was a great event.

Then, later, someone comes up to me and asks me if I knew what the song was about. "Hell no," I say, it was in Mexican. I'm English-only and proud of it."

"Well," he continued, "there's one line in it, 'Dame tu gasolina,' that is Dominican slang for 'Come all over me.'"

I didn't see anything wrong with that, but my aides started acting weird and Lindsey Graham grabbed Joe's notebook and held it in front of him like he does whenever Charlie Crist comes around. So Isaid to them,"What's wrong with that? It's a hip song. It's might be bad grammar, but it feels like Yankee Daddy is coming all over you when he does that talk-sing thing. Who wouldn't like that? It's not like he's actually standing and walking on you, it's one of those metaphor things. Hell, I want Yankee Daddy coming all over me too."

That made Joe laugh so hard he shot snot out of his nose. Lindsey just scrunched up his eyes real tight and groaned loudly before saying he had to go back and change because he spilled something on his pants. Funny, he was only holding that notebook.

So anyway, as you can see, I'm as hip as anyone.

A tip of the ol' helmet to Howie Klein.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.