Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Colonel Reb could learn a thing or two from Sarah Palin or Why is Rusty Shackleford so Angry

Brian Ferguson
Colonel Reb Foundation
University of Mississippi

Dear Mr. Ferguson;

I was very sad to hear that Colonel Reb has been retired as Ole Miss's mascot. It's particularly tragic now that Sarah Palin is so close to boarding the Natural Causes Express to the presidency. She embodies the very values Colonel Reb embodied--secessionism, treason, white supremacy, and passionate credulity. It's ironic that these cherished heartland values are suddenly now in vogue so soon after Colonel Reb's Appomattox. 

One would think your organization could benefit from this return to traditional confederate values. You just need a compelling story to tell. Fortunately, you already have that story. It's found in the history section of your website. It's the tale of your first mascot, a blind black man you call "Blind Jim." It has everything you need: a black man, the son of slaves, who was brought into the Ole Miss family as a "mascot," or kind of pet, and allowed to sell peanuts forty years before the first black student was forced on the university by outside agitators in the federal government.

Best of all, as noted in the article, Colonel Reb is the "spitting image of Blind Jim Ivy, except for white skin." It's a great way to dodge the racism charges. It's like noting that although you are closely tied to the militia movement, attend a witch-hunting dominionist church, and meet with and do videos for the Alaska Independence Party, you're not really a whacked out White Christian Supremacist.

So there's your story. Now you have to push it. You should consider getting Rusty Shackleford's help with that. Considering all the rage and energy he put into this post at the Jawa Report, he's obviously a Sam Graves conservative--that is he's "backed-up," angry as hell, and has way too much time on his hands.

I'd be glad to contact Rusty for you. Just let me know.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.