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Thursday, October 02, 2008

There will be no flattened rat parties in my Naval Observatory

Tonight, my dreams have come true. Gov. Sarah Palin has agreed to guest post at Jesus' General. The Blog is yours, Governor.
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thank you General for allowing me to post to your blog on the world wide intertubes of godless immorality.

As I prepare for tonight's debate, I'm heartened by the vote of confidence I received from my running mate, Sen. John McCain, yesterday on NPR's Morning Edition. When asked if he,"could imagine turning to [me] for advice in a foreign policy crisis," John replied, "I've turned to her advice many times in the past."

It's true. You see, John McCain has a great deal of respect for the knowledge I've acquired by reading every newspaper and news magazine possible and by praying while swinging my Mighty and Holy Hammer of Worship.

That's why when the news broke that North Korea is threatening to restart its atom bomb making program, Sen. McCain turned to me for advice. Here's what I told him:
The leaders in Korea are intent on, you know, blowing things up and islamunistofascism and hating us because we're free and defying God with a homosexual agenda, and killing babies with condoms, oh, and health care, and drilling in the ANWAR, and there will be hellfire and brimstone raining down, and nuclear energy, and Bristol will make hot dish, and then Jesus will return. riding in on a dinosaur and I'll shoot it before Levi knocks it up and embarrasses Our Lord at his greatest moment. But then I'll have to watch Todd. I haven't forgotten about what I caught him doing to that moose I shot. Let's just say he slept with his snowmachine for months afterward. Oh, and school vouchers. Did I mention that?
And then Sen. McCain reached into his wallet and pulled Shelia, the flattened remains of rat a befriended in Hanoi, out of his wallet and said, "Sheila thinks we should nuke 'em."

I replied, "Just keep Sheila away from Todd. I mean it." And I do mean it. Nuking Korea ain't gonna be enough if I catch him and Todd throwing some kind of flattened rat party.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.