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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Seven Heads Of Barack Obama

Lisa Miller

Dear Mrs. Miller,

Thank you and Newsweek for addressing our most deeply held beliefs so respectfully. It isn't often we see a sentence like the following in a major news magazine:
The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions but they're not nuts.
You are absolutely right. We are not crazy. It's not like we just dreamed this stuff up during some sort of psychotic break. We study. We read.  We analyze. We evaluate. Then, we state our conclusions. And as my friend, Malacandra, noted in an email to me, we conduct our research using the most authoritative source in existence:
Those who suggest that Obama is the Antichrist have very valid reasons for their belief, based on upon the very specific criteria laid out in scripture.

For example:

Barack Obama rose out of the sea and has seven heads and ten horns.Aside from that, he's like a leopard except with bear's feet and a lion's mouth. and one of his heads was mortally wounded, but then healed.

There's just no denying it.
So thank you again for showing respect for our most sacred beliefs, but, that said, you could have done so much more. Why didn't you report on the secular media's conspiracy to help Obama hide his true nature. Certainly you knew about it. It isn't easy to hide six extra heads, ten horns, a lion's mouth and bear feet. You must have noticed Obama's extra makeup, the lumps in his jacket, and the huge clown shoes he wore. Even if you didn't, you must have wondered why all of Obama's photos spent so much time in Newsweek's PhotoShop lab.

And what about all that business with his birth certificate? Why didn't you look into that? If he just rose out of the sea, it's likely he isn't a natural born citizen. I mean, there's nothing natural about a beast rising from the sea, is there?

Simply telling us we aren't nuts is not enough. You have a lot more reporting to do.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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