Greeter Beaters

Chief Dennis Cramer
Collegedale Police Department
Collegedale, Tennessee

Dear Chief Cramer,

I have a great idea for a new reality show. I believe it will be a tremendous hit, but I'll need your cooperation. 

It will be based on an incident involving a Chattanooga police detective, Kenneth Freeman. You know the incident I'm talking about. It's the one where Det. Freeman was stopped by a Collegedale Wal-Mart greeter as he was exiting the store and asked to present a receipt. Detective Freeman responded appropriately by throwing the 71 year old greeter to the floor and flinging a bystander through a plate glass window. You deemed it a good beating and declined to arrest, or even cite Freeman.

That's it. That's what our show, "Greeter Beaters," will be about. Every week we will show Collegedale and Chattanooga police assaulting elderly greeters, parking lot attendants, and bystanders in the greater Chattanooga metropolitan area. I'm also thinking of giving each show a theme. One week might be "batons," another "tasers," and maybe "shootings" for each season finale.

Your involvement is crucial. I don't think we can find another police chief in the country who'd allow it. That's why I'm offering you the position of deputy executive producer. It's an easy gig, you'll be responsible for providing funding, officers, and equipment.

So what do you think? Are you in?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot