Miraculous Visitation by Our Lord Jesus Christ - Jesus on an iPod - $2500
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Date: 2009-02-15, 3:13AM MST
I witnessed a miracle this morning when i turned on my iPod to listen to my favorite worship band, Mayonnaise Praise Revival. Rather than seeing a menu when i turned it on, I saw the glorious visage of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
He had a message for me, for at the very moment I saw his his immaculate face, I heard singing in my head. It was "Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tenille, but the lyrics were different. The words I heard were "Behold, I have transcended toast and am now appearing to my flock via consumer electronics. Verily, I say unto you, I am the way, the truth, and the light with unlimited minutes and SMS. No one comes through me except through an iPhone."
Obviously, the Son of God wants me to get an iPhone. But how? Did his appearance mean anything? By wearing a camo boonie hat and holding a Czech Scorpion SA Vz 61 submachine gun, was he telling me I should rob an Apple Store? Well I prayed about it, and God told me no, He just didn't want anyone to think he was that wimpy, compassionate, feminized "Prince of Peace' the liberals worship. He also said, he was considering creating a something bigger than Hummer to give him more confidence when he's driving around after the Second coming.
Anyway, He wants me to sell his miraculous visitation on my iPod and pick up an iPhone and as he put it, "a kick satan's butt graphics card" for my computer. So here it is: Jesus on an iPod. And it's a Hell of a lot better than toast.
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Sunday, February 15, 2009
A Miraculous Visitation
Posted by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
Our Lord and Savior appeared to me today, and of course, I responded in the only way a good god-fearing man could--I put him up for sale on Craigslist:
at 5:14 AM