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Friday, March 27, 2009

Greg Gutfeld: The Ultimate Young Republican

Greg Gutfeld
Fox Redeye

Dear Gut,

Well, your apology hasn't worked. Our northern allies are still angry with you for mocking the sacrifice--the lives of one hundred and sixteen Canadian fathers, sons, husbands, and brothers--they've made in a war Our Former Leader waged as if it were a mere hobby, a distraction from other more important things.

Part of your problem is due to your lack of credibility as a war supporter. Many would argue that you have no standing to criticize the service of those who fought and died in Afghanistan, because you've limited your own participation to simply telling jokes about those who fail to express a sufficient degree of blood lust. Your phony pro-war chauvinism, your Potemkin patriotic fervor, is seen as an affront to those who feel the loss of each young man or woman in their guts and mourn each sacrifice made in the name of saving the Bush legacy.

But hey, who cares? We love you (in a heterosexual kind of way). You're almost as big as Joe the Plumber.

Heterosexually yours

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. General, Sir:

    The fucking "Washington Times"? OMFG, that's the only "newspaper" that showed up when I googled "Gutfeld, canadian".

    Well, Mr. Greg Gutlessfuck has once again proven that FoxedUpNewsiness has no shame. BTW, Sir, one of the comments on a thread I was reading says that Greg met his wife in a whorehouse (according to Wiki).

  2. That Wiki entry is incorrect. He actually met his wife in a stable.

  3. Is it me or did the combined "boys" on the original clip seem a little light on Y-chromosomes? Their lispy, high-pitched squealing reminded me of a flock of capons. If I was a nancy-boy with raisins instead of grapes, I'd be hesitant to go after anyone who was a man. Get my drift Guf?

  4. Mocking Canada's blood lust? Ask a baby Harp Seal* about Canadian pacifism...we here in the states make jokes about killing a defenseless animal--up north they don't joke about it--they do it, for soft, white fur, as if we can't get through our days without wearing dead seal fur. Fuck them, and fuck us for buying the trophies of their bloody violence.

    *Warning: Graphic images of seal slaughter.


  5. War-glutton Gutfeld, hero-son of wide-ruling Bush, stood up in the assembly, in anger. Fury filled his dark heart full. So he spoke: "A dead Canadian is a coward."

  6. and where is Canada's Prime Minister you ask?

    I need a drink and government that is not run by suckers of Satan's cock.

  7. "I need a drink and government that is not run by suckers of Satan's cock"
    I second that, rev.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.