Faithful Word Baptist Church
Dear Pastor Anderson,
I'm worried about you. The state security apparatus exposes you to a few minutes of their favorite enhanced apprehension techniques and you fold like a congressman in the presence of Limbaugh. I mean, my God man, you've pulled your sitzpinkling sermon from YouTube, assumedly, because someone said it'd be used against you when you take the Border Patrol to court.
As you proclaimed in that sermon, God commands men to pisseth against a wall to prove they are real men. Women can't do it, nor should they. It's what separates us from them. They'd have to go through all sorts of contortions to get there, but God built men to pisseth against the wall. Sure, some of the more prostate-challenged among us might have to stand very close, but, damn it, we can still drip out enough to please the angels.
God made us that way so we could write His Word on the wall if we didn't have a chisel or a can of spray paint or a sharpie. And he gave that power, that special purpose, to men because he wanted His Word peed out in big block letters not that dainty cursive writing women prefer. He wants people to see JOHN 3:16 in all it's big block piss-yellow glory.
But suddenly, God's word isn't so important to you anymore. Instead it's become an embarrassment, and that's a shame. No it's worse than that, it is a sin, for you are not training up your sons in the way of the Lord. My heart breaks for little Samson, Phineas, and Haman. Who is going to teach them to pisseth against the wall? Will you leave that to Zsuzsanna? Will you command her to use one of those Godless whizzy things for women? Is she already halfway through Leviticus?.
Heterosexually yours, but in a superior, still pissing on walls kind of way,
Gen.JC Christian, patriot
Update: Oh, I see someone's put a copy of the sermon back up. God's word will not be shut out.
Update two: Pastor Anderson expresses righteous anger against uppity women and gets thrown off radio show.