Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, May 07, 2009

A touching family values moment

Rep. Sheryl J. Briggs
House of Representatives
State of Maine

Dear Rep. Briggs,

I'm always touched when I'm blessed with an opportunity to witness a good Christian mother providing loving guidance to her daughter. And I'll admit it, I may be an 11 on the manly scale of absolute gender, but the tears were rolling down my face as I saw you share one such intimate moment with your daughter on Tuesday. It isn't often that we are given the gift of observing a mother rebuke a wicked daughter for engaging in acts of sodomy. It's even more rare to witness a mother doing it on the floor of the state legislature in front of cameras. That's an uncommon kind of love, an act of love that few mothers are in a position to share with their daughters. I hope she was there to witness it, and if not, she at least had an opportunity to see it live on the television you keep in the home you share.

But is it enough. Isn't there more you could do to publicly shame your prodigal daughter. Have you considered writing the words "SINFUL WHORE" in bold capital letters on her forehead with a sharpy as she sleeps? Or better yet, have you asked the House Christian caucus to help you exorcise the homosex demon from her body--that would make for a great youtube video.

Please consider doing both if you haven't already, and send me a link when you do.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Boy, she can kiss her Mother's Day gift goodbye.

  2. Briggs: "Blame it on my upbringing, or the good book, but the deepest part of my soul tells me that this is wrong. I can’t change how I feel. These feelings run very deep. I have kept this secret within me for 15 years, but because of who I am, and where I am today, and as a member of this legislative body, ethically, it is my duty, and my responsibility, to publicly say to my daughter, that I do not support her way of life. I have no choice. I have to hit that button."

    I'm pretty sure "hit that button" is a euphemism for something.

  3. General, Sir:

    I have KayInMaine of "Whitenoise Insanity" on the other line. I'll see what she knows.

    Meanwhile, I gleaned this:

    "Rep. Bernard Ayotte, a Republican, said he couldn’t support the legislation because it would provide legal protections to people whom he said suffered from hormonal imbalances causing same-sex attractions.

    “By all indications, homosexuality in human beings seems to be generated by imbalances in the human body,” he said. “As legislators, it is important that we do not base our statutes on genetic aberrations.”

    Ayotte added that his lack of support for the legislation shouldn’t be interpreted as discrimination against gay people."

    from the news story you linked to.

    I wonder how many pairs of FM strappy pumps are in his closet.

  4. General Sir -

    compare and contrast:

    Marie Osmond's interview after her daughter comes out. bottom of page 2 has radio interview link

  5. It's spelled "Sharpie"

    As a conservative you must respect their God given intellectual property for at least the life of the author plus seventy years.

  6. Thomas:

    You are being silly. The General was not talking about using a "permanent" marker. He had something a bit more lasting in mind.

  7. She's probably just trying to get out of paying for an expensive church wedding.

  8. Whoa! It worked! I'm back! Yowsa!

  9. Shady Pines, Ma!

  10. Anonymous10:56 PM

    What sucks is, she’s acting like her bigotry represents some kind of heroism on her part. It’s like, even though she’s demeaning her own daughter, she’s doing it for the sake of her principles or some shit. She thinks she’s a fucking martyr because she’s too fucking blind to see her bigotry for what it is.

    The only thing worse than a bigot is a bigot who mistakes bigotry for principle.

    And she’s a fucking Democrat to boot.

  11. Well, of course it is okay to out her own daughter on the floor of the legislature. Why not? It's not like she was going to get any grandchildren out of the little trollop.

  12. I say she should take a page from the playbook of the totally awesome governor of Alaska and push her daughter on to the morning talk show programs to talk about abstinence. Abstinence can work for all and if we were all abstainers the state of Maine wouldn't be in this problem of trying to figure out who gets to marry who.

    Has anyone heard the rumor that Governor Palin is going to pose in a bikini with a specially modified M-4 in the totally awesome 50 caliber Beowulf round that is going to be presented to her next week by the NRA?

  13. Good to see ya Anne!

    Michael, she already posed. Back in September...

  14. Odd: the mother has the balls to castigate her daughter publicly for the crime of being a lesbian (a sexual infraction!). I say we give mom a fifteen yard penalty and loss of balls on downs.


  15. OMG SeattleTammy thank you. The Lord has truly blessed us with this photo of the truly awesome Governor Palin. What a wonder the internets have become. I talked to my dogs Whistle and DickC and they both agree that this is like the most awesome picture of true womenhood on display and worthy of inclusion in the next calendar of chicks with guns.

    Now that SeattleTammy has become the fount of all internet knowledge, I have lately pondered this dilemma. Has anyone seen Angeline Jolie and the Octomom in the same picture? Has anyone heard the rumor that the Octomom is really Angeline with a hair dye suffering from the results of an adverse botox and clomid reaction?

  16. Y'know, I had a good "quote" from one of ol' Short-Hair-&-Sensible-Shoes Sheryl up there's COLLEAGUES, the genius talking about "hormonal imbalances" and "genetic abnormalities," but the new comments thingy killed it when I tried a preview. So much for that idea.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.