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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

John McCain, Iran, and a rat named Sheila

[Sen. McCain told me he wanted to post again, and frankly, I'm afraid to say no, so here he is. Please be kind in your comments or I will hear about it.]

OK, goddammit I'm back. Thank you, General, for allowing me to use your electrical typing intertubes pamphlet machine yet once again. But I have to tell you it's goddamned tough being a goddamned loser. Goddamned Lieberman won't even type for me anymore. I have to use this goddamned Joe the Plumber bastard now.

Yes, Joe, you have to write that you son of a bitch. You have to write every word I say, goddammit. I created you, and I'm the only game in town since you quit the Republican party--speaking fees dried up real fast then didn't they, you stupid fucker.

Goddammit, yes. Write that. Write. every word I say.


OK, I've been following this whole Iran thing on the Twitter. My daughter Meghan told me about it. She twittered this to me: "Jesus H fucking Christ, dad, are you watching these fucking Iran tweets."

So I looked, and it was all these pre-bombed fucking Iranistanians complaining about the election, and I saw that and I thought, "Jesus H. Cornhole Christ, this will give me some fucking camera time." So I started telling all the press that Obama should do something--I didn't say what, because Meagan said, "Don't fucking say 'bomb the fuckers, Dad,' even though that's what I want to do.

And it's been God damned hard because I'll be doing a TV interview saying Obama should do something, and my closest friend from my days in Hanoi, Sheila, a flattened, dessicated rat I keep in my wallet, will start screaming at me, "John, you cowardly fuck, tell them you want to rip out some fucking Iranian hearts and eat them while they're still beating!"

What?

What the fuck, Plumberboy? You think you know shit about politics? You think you know better than me and Sheila what I should be saying?

Yes, Sheila, I'm going to cut him. I'm going to cut the fucking dillwad.

Keep typing dammit! Keep typing while I stick you you fucking fuckity fu

4 comments:

  1. General Sir!

    The Good Senator McCain must take every opportunity to make war to compensate. It's too bad for him that like making a good first impression, you only really get one chance to Get Your War On correctly.

    I'm sure all the stories we've heard about him being a spoiled admiral's son who screwed up so many times that he didn't deserve all the second, third and fourth chances he got are not true. I'm sure that the story that he was shot down because he flew back over his burning target to revel in his accuracy is not true either.

    Our Good Senator Friend needs this opportunity to show his prowess in warfare. If only, ...if only he was eligible to sit in the cockpit once again. If only...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've mused off and on that a "FIRE MCCAIN" campaign in Phoenix might be amusing, when he comes up for re-election.

    ReplyDelete
  3. General, Sir:

    With Capt. Dumbfuck proving that Alzheimer's (and uncontrolled rage) is no bar to public service at th highest non-pretendsidential level and the junior senaturd (John, Am I fucking hawt or what?, Ensign) up to his rugburned elbows in KKKristianfuckgate, what are the good voters of Arizonehole to do? Maybe that nice sheriffmans from Phoenix can run for the senate. He would be a refreshing change--that mo'fo believes in accountability, for other folks, anyway--for himself? not so much.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.