The Opinion Politicians can receive millions of dollars from health insurance and pharmaceutical company lobbyists and still do the right thing for their constituents has died after its request for a medical review was denied by its health provider. The Opinion was never seriously believed by anyone anyway, and so its passing was not viewed as a surprise.
Doctors for the deceased Opinion released a statement that read as follows:
"Denying treatment was the humane thing to do in this case. Had the Opinion lived it would have been subjected to ridicule and derision for the rest of its born days. As healers, we just couldn't support that."The funeral for The Opinion will be attended by the roughly forty-seven million Americans who do not have health insurance, as well as an additional sixty million or so citizens who are one major illness away from abject poverty. Of the eighteen thousand or so Americans who die yearly as a result of being sick without medical insurance the family notes that the dead will not be allowed to attend the funeral.
The Opinion is survived by the rest of us who happen to still be alive, but don't feel too smug: we'll be gone some day as well, so there's that. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you consider not blowing up government or insurance buildings, and that if you do get sick and die to please have the decency to not clutter up valet parking zones--very important people need to get in and out of commercial zones with all due haste!
The Opinuary Column appears on Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.