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Friday, June 19, 2009

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion Politicians can receive millions of dollars from health insurance and pharmaceutical company lobbyists and still do the right thing for their constituents has died after its request for a medical review was denied by its health provider. The Opinion was never seriously believed by anyone anyway, and so its passing was not viewed as a surprise.

Doctors for the deceased Opinion released a statement that read as follows:
"Denying treatment was the humane thing to do in this case. Had the Opinion lived it would have been subjected to ridicule and derision for the rest of its born days. As healers, we just couldn't support that."
The funeral for The Opinion will be attended by the roughly forty-seven million Americans who do not have health insurance, as well as an additional sixty million or so citizens who are one major illness away from abject poverty. Of the eighteen thousand or so Americans who die yearly as a result of being sick without medical insurance the family notes that the dead will not be allowed to attend the funeral.

The Opinion is survived by the rest of us who happen to still be alive, but don't feel too smug: we'll be gone some day as well, so there's that. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you consider not blowing up government or insurance buildings, and that if you do get sick and die to please have the decency to not clutter up valet parking zones--very important people need to get in and out of commercial zones with all due haste!


The Opinuary Column appears on Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.



  1. Doesn't at least one person have to hold a given view for at least one moment in time for it to be an opinion? Since nobody ever believed this, I'm not sure it counts. It should be de-pinioned, kind of like St. Christopher was de-sainted.

  2. An Opinion of this magnitudinosity is valid from the moment of conception. Any attempt to abort it would have been viewed as Opinicide.

    I have an aunt in Southern California who believes that Jesus played polo with the dinosaurs--I think she may well have held onto the Opinion for time out of mind.


  3. Yes, Mr. mjs, the politicians do have the best there is, in the way of healthcare protection. Why the hell should they worry about a bunch of whining MF's who never even came close to achieving such stature and importance in life as themselves.

    Yes, they may die one day, but it will be at great expense. Heck, the expense of honoring and preserving their bodies would probably pay for the healthcare of a whole neighborhood.

    BTW, who do I complain to about That sorry bitch's mug (Ann C word), appearing all over these pages. It's enough to ruin my breakfast and God only knows what it does to the deacon demo

  4. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    I got picked up by the VA healtcare system, which if I am not missing a guess, is sorta the face of what single coverage healthcare would look like in this country. I gotta go forty or so miles to an emergency room (unless there's arterial bleeding, a heart attack or something else of a "WTF?, I'm dying here!" level of urgency). I get the drugs they want me to have, at a subsidized rate. I may have to ask, more than once, that some procedure, test or med get ordered. You know what? I'm okay with all of that. Know why? I don't gotta call no FUCKING INSURANCE COMPANY to find out whether I will get a bill.

    It's all good for me at the moment, for the uninsured who has no one to turn to, not so much. Fuck the congress for their venal and cowardly fealty to BigPharma and BigMedbiz.

    Brother Knowdoubt:

    I have the alimentary constitution of a vulture, but that skank would scare dung beetles off of elephant shit.

  5. Anonymous11:59 AM

    Demo, my ex-wife’s family were all upright uber-Catholic solid Republicans from Kent County, Michigan (except for my ex-wife, whom I defiled, politically speaking; she’s an old fashioned Cook County Democrat now … bwaah hah hah hah!) … but, in any event, one of her uncles or cousins or whatever was in the, uh, “foreign service” (as the Brits say) and was stationed up there in that Toronto, Canada, with a profoundly disabled daughter (long, sad story in and of itself) … and anyways, this solid uber-Catholic Kent County, Michigan Republican ex-pat-in-Toronto positively swore by the Canadian healthcare system. And this was back in the dark days of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, mind you.

    And you know why he swore by the Canadian healthcare system? Because he needed fucking health care, is why.

    So, anyways, all those Lexus-driving, filthy-fucking-rich doctor-fucks were in Chicago last week at the AMA convention, all of them positively whinging about that “socialized healthcare” bullshit, and all I could think of was, how many of those rich bastards attended public schools and public universities? I guess “socialized education” was okay back when they fucking needed it.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.