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Monday, June 22, 2009

Saving Fetus Americans

Jill Stanek
Pro Life Pulse

Dear Nurse Stanek,

First, I want to thank you for asking the FBI to interview me for "threatening your life." I can't wait for them to contact me. It'll be a great opportunity for me to show actual representatives of the United States government all the good work we're doing--me, with my spermatazoan-American liberation and housing project (I'm hoping the agent will help me fill up the rest of this mason jar), and you, with your tacit encouragement of those who would assassinate our nation's doctors.

I've been thinking a lot about the work you're doing lately, and all the success the Coerced Childbirth Movement has had in reducing the number of doctors willing to perform late-term abortions. I'm not sure how many there were ten years ago, but after a decade of pro-life assassinations, there appear to be only two (and maybe only one, soon, if an assassin for Jesus puts the photos and addresses to which you linked to use.

That means there are a lot more babies being born to suffer in extreme pain for a few hours before they pass into Jesus' compassionate hands. Now, that might be what Jesus wants. We know he loves his pain and suffering--why else would he command she-bears to tear 40 children apart simple because the kids made fun of a bald guy--but then again, maybe He wants us to do a little more to help those children after they're born.

No, I'm not suggesting something immoral like providing them with welfare or education or anything like that. I mean, maybe we could make it easier for doctors to find adult stem cells to inject into these tiny fetus-Americans while they're still snuggled up in their flesh incubators.

As it is, it's hard to find good, adult stem cells. There just aren't a lot of them in an adult; they are impossible to grow in cultures; and, with the exception of those found in brains, they're not very good at transforming into the proper cells. So what we need is a bigger supply of brains, so we can increase our supply of stem cells from those brains. Does that make sense?

But where can we get these brains? They'd have to be fresh, and they'd have to be obtained in a way life-loving Christians like ourselves would deem to be ethical.

Well, I've given it a bit of thought and come up with a number of potential sources.

1. People who are legally executed. They could come from any place execution is legal like the US, China, Iran, etc.

2. People who are accidental killed while being tortured to defend freedom. We've killed dozens so far. Might as well put their brains to use.

3. The fetus-American's own flesh incubator. A lot more of those will be dying now, and hey, let's admit it, we don't give a damn about them anyway.

4. The greedy bastards who wanted a public option for healthcare and ain't getting it now. They'll be dying; let's grab their brains for the fetuses.

5. Oh, and the OB/GYN's who are assassinated by those who take your rhetoric seriously.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

20 comments:

  1. General Sir!

    Shame on you for causing the Good Sister Stanek's ego to inflate thinking she is worthy of being a target in holy path to martyrdom! Now she will have to work overtime to keep this "danger" at the forefront of her daily blogging. Poor thing. It will require more imagination than her bereft mind is capable of. Your cruelty surprises me.

    Please forgive the ending of a sentence with a preposition.

    Thank you,

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  2. When I got time, I plan on re-reading some grammar books. Why don't you do the same?

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  3. General, sir, I've heard during ads while watching hulu that 1 in 8 Americans is hungry. Possibly some of them will be starving to death so there's some more stem cells for you.

    Do you think once all the ob/gyn docs are dead, that the TV Christians will start advocating programs that feed the hungry (as Jesus taught) . . . or will they just ramp up the war on Godless homosetchels.

    What am I thinking? Of course, they'll go after teh gays. Feeding the hungry is like so two milleniums ago . . . Duh.

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  4. Does smith represent some near-sighted lawyers?

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  6. What about Troy Davis? He'll have some cells they could harvest after they kill him here in Georgia in a humane, ethical and Christian manner, or at least Christian. I guess there is still some dispute as to the humane and ethical (Our Supremes have found after much dilegent searching that just because it is inhumane for animals that doesn't make it inhumane for people, but anyway I digress. The legal system has found him guilty. I can't say I understand all the complexities of the law, but anyway just because 7 of the 9 witnesses, upon whose testimony the jury relied, have recantedhe was still convicteda d for everything legal to work and us to feel safe and all, we (our legal system that makes us so proud) still has to execute him. I understand it's simple, even though I don't understand complex legal stuff, something to do with due process, habeaus corpus and no man above the law sort of stuff. Hell who can't be for that?

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  7. As a separate matter would someone please share with me what the Smith thing is all about. I can handle words, shit they are easy to just ignore, change, misunderstand or mischaracterize it's the pictures I can't handle, like the one of Neda. I'll skip the video, thanks but no thanks, I clicked on the link that mjs provided yesterday and found myself looking at a picture that I would rather have not seen. I have enough trouble sleeping with the pictures I have already acquired in this life, I don't need anymore although I do appreciate the access especially to the words. Maybe the words could be put somewhere labeled offensive or something and those who think they can handle being offended could read them? I don't know but I do know about the pictures, I think I deserve a little control when it comes to subjecting myself to that.

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  8. General, Sir:

    Did Nurse Stanek, by any chance, matriculate at either Munich or Frankfurt U.? I only ask because Herr Doktor Josef Mengele spoke glowingly of the education he had received there.

    Brother Knowdoubt:

    Knowing, as I do, the General's tolerance levels in many areas--having broached most, if not all, on ocassion--I think Mr. Smith's post(s) must have been well beyond the pale and might have included multiple offending items.

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  9. knowdoubt: the General linked to my posting, and in that posting was a link to Nico Pitney's coverage of events in Iran(posted at the Huffington Post). I chose words that I thought clearly reflected what one would encounter at HuffPo: "In Iran a young woman named Neda was shot through the heart as she stood in the street. There is graphic video of her just after being shot, wherein her life ends rapidly as blood escapes her body." I embedded the link in the words "graphic video." You apparently clicked on the link and saw something that you had rather not seen, for which I am sorry, but I thought I had clearly described what a reader would encounter at Huffpo's post, and indeed the reader would retain "a little control" over whether or not to subject themselves to a truly difficult series of images.

    It's a profoundly sad and disturbing story, and I felt compelled to post about it. I wondered if my response was too quick, and then I thought about how Neda's life was over in less than two minutes after being shot, and decided that my response would disregard any attempts to temper expression.

    p.s. an excellent post, General. We must all do our part to ensure that a doomed fetus be allowed the all important opportuity to die a horrible, painful death right after a coerced and mandatory gestation period. It is the least we can do as compassionate human zombies.

    ++++

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  10. mjs, Just to be clear, let me take this opportunity to say, I love your stuff and envy your skill, talent, whatever it is that lets you do with words what you do. Actually, I had gone to your blog having just become aware of it and clicked on a link from over there, but it was to crooks and liars, if I recall right. I'm sure it wasn't huffington post. I appreciate the thought and I never ever thought you would deliberately deny the aforementioned "control." Nobody could write what you do and be that kind of person. I would have just as soon not seen it, but I'm a big kid now and have seen worse, I just try to avoid it if I can. I don't go to the execution videos out there either, but I think it ought to be out there for those that have the need to embrace the whole horror. Your expression was wonderful and I'm glad I read it, I couldn't imagine a more meaningful way to go and certainly it deserved the tribute you made, I was touched beyond words and I'll never forget. What more could one ask for?

    Crooks later took the thing down so that you had to click to go there, i.e., it wasn't on the front page and it had a warning so someone must have complained, it wasn't me. I don't think I've ever made a comment over there, don't ask me why, I don't know.

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  11. demo, I know you're right, I don't know why I get so curious, I'm sure I'll be OK, if not better off, not knowing. I don't really doubt the Generals intentions, it's just something pervasive with me, I mean the doubting, sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes, not so good. I find myself stuck with myself, even doubting myself, God it's awful. I couldn't recommend it to a soul.

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  12. I forgot about the Crooks & Liars link at the bottom of the posting. It does link to a page with the graphic video, and specifically a still (captured from the video) of Neda Agha Soltan (born in 1982) looking skyward, her face bloodied. Not knowing why the sniper chose to fire upon her, I couldn't help but wonder if she was targeted because she hadn't covered her face.

    ++++

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  13. mjs, I think you maybe on to something there, the pretty face does seem to rile the more religously extreme. They are the same the world over. They have changed it now, but when you did the link before, the still was what smacked you right in the eyes first thing.

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  14. It's not as complicated as harvesting brains. They could take a bit of DNA from the poor suffering newborn and clone a whole new kid, taking care to fix whatever went wrong the first time. Send the bill for the procedure to Pro Life Pulse.

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  15. General, Sir:

    I would like to remind everyone that if they would just stop clicking on the link thingys nobody would see any images that are graphic or disturbing. In fact, if instead of clicking on a link you instead close your eyes (like I'm doing right now) you could visualize bunnies. Soft, fuzzy bunnies. Humming helps, too.

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  16. We've got a whole buncha bubbas down here in Savannah who get all riled up on accounta how the gummint makes them wear seat belts and wear helmets. Let's repeal alla them laws and harvest bubbas.

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  17. Richard, i like your point, If nobody did anything they wouldn't make any mistakes or see anything graphic or otherwise. If closing your eyes and humming turns you on, brings you bunnies, more power to you. I'm certainly not blaming anyone, but myself for my click and what I saw that I would rather have not seen.

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  18. Richard:

    I was getting all worked up, thinking about them fuzzy bunnies humping--and then I re-read your comment. Drat.

    General, Sir:

    I would say that we should harvest the brains of our congress critters. However as the "Soul Harvesting Project" has proven, the yield would be disappointing.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.