By the time you read this, you may "know" where Governor Mark Sanford's been for the last week. I put the word, "know," in quotation marks because all you'll really have is the official explanation. It'll probably be something like he wandered off into the woods or he ran off to blow some guys in a restroom to prove his heterosexuality or he hung himself in some kind of compassionate act of Spermatazoan-American liberation--you know, the kind of thing we conservatives are apt to do in our free time.
But any such explanation would only be a cover story to hide the truth about what he's been up to. You see, Gov. Sanford has been on a secret mission.
It's rather obvious if you think about it? Why else would a good family man leave town for a week without telling his wife or kids where he was going, or even that he was gone. Indeed, his mission was so secret, he couldn't risk calling them, not even on Father's Day.
So what was he really doing? My sources say he was in a secret Twitter war room along with some of our greatest Keyboard Kommandos--people like Allahpundit, Erik Erikson, and Pete Hoekstra--demonstrating solidarity with the people of Iran as we eagerly await the order from America's greatest conservative leader, Benjamin Nethayahu, to bomb the shit out of them.
Godspeed, Gov. Sanford.