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Friday, August 07, 2009

The Coming Civil War

Ron Ewert
National Association of Rural Landowners

Dear Mr. Ewert,

People are always saying "Elections have consequences." Unfortunately, the consequences they list are usually things like Supreme Court appointments, passing legislation, etc. They never list two of the most important consequences--the ones you promote so often in your videos: civil war and revolution.

That's a shame, because it means that our fellow citizens don't understand that if they don't like the outcome of an election, they can always grab up their guns and go to war against their wrong-voting neighbors. Sure, the Obamunists might be in the majority, but, frankly, they're less likely to own guns and less inclined to kill than we are, so I'd say we have the advantage.

In your video, "The Coming Civil War," You issue an ultimatum ordering the Obamunists to cease and desist promoting or passing a number of policies and legislative initiatives. If they fail to do so, you warn them that we will go to war. The list includes:
No amnesty for illegal aliens.
No national health care.
No gun control or gun control treaties.
No food control legislation.
No cap and trade lunacy
No Clean Water Restoration Act
No environmental lunacy
No more stimulus and bailout legislation
No to any more Federal Reserve power
No Real ID and PASS Act
No closing Guantanamo Bay
I'm wondering if it's all or nothing or if it's negotiable. Do we start shooting our neighbors if they drop everything else but still close Gitmo? If not, is there any kind of ranking? Is the Clean Water Restoration Act more important than, say, gun control. Are there one or two things that are non-negotiable? Should I bomb Aunt Beulah's house if the Food Safety Modernization Act of 2009 becomes law.

I'd appreciate it if you could provide a little clarification.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC. Christian, patriot

p.s. I love your no trespassing signs. It's about time someone warned the state agriculture guys they'll be shot if they start nosing around the dairy barn.


  1. these fucking cowards are always talking about War
    they should be dropped right down in the middle of Iraq. they would piss all over themselves

  2. I think Robert Downey in Tropic Thunder said it best when he stated "Never go full retard."


  3. Is Mr Ewert the "sour beer face" man in the commercial from (way too) long ago?

  4. ...and I guess I can assume that the Association of Rural Landowners is one guy who lives in a McMansion in the exurbs with a PC and a bootlegged copy of XP.

  5. If I had to assign a priority, I would say that "No health care for Americans" would be high up there. Because if those gunless pansy liberalolawfascists thought they could get patched up after being shot by a patriot waging civil war in defence of the USA! USA! USA! they might be more likely to resist us.

    I notice that nowhere in that list was there anything about "No pro-sodomite lunacy." I'm wondering if that omission means Mr. Ewert is a little light in the steel-toed loafers. When the civil war comes, I bet somebody's going to shoot him because of that.

  6. General, Sir:

    I checked out the "No Trespassing" Signs. I looked at the prices and thought to myself, "Man, I need to find a silk screener who needs some work" I think if we can make a thousand or so of them signs we could get the price down to like, I dunno, $10 a piece? And if they want a bunch of 'em, throw in a case or two of MRE's as a bonus.

    I'm guessin' this gent is suffering from a severe case of MS (Micropenis Syndrome).

  7. General, Sir:

    It's a HOAX. I woulda fell for it too, but the tip-off is that illustration of him standing next to a trillion dollars. See, a trillion dollars, it it was all in Benjamins would weigh about 20.4 million pounds. He'd need a whole fuck of a lot more pallets.

  8. I watched that YouTube, Gen'l, and there was a tip-off that this Ewert's swinging for the other team, if you know what I mean. At the end, there is a RAINBOW coloured logo for his Narlo Guthrie group. RAINBOW! You know what that means -- pure homosexualorainbofascism. The guy's onneathem in disguise.

  9. I agree with Bukko.
    Additionally, when are the real 'mericans going to stand up and demand an end to Socialist Security. Control of the oldest and most unproductive segment of our society is at stake. Our gerontoligically-advanced, medicare-sucking patriots may not know it but Socialist Security is a new cabalistic plot of the 'bama 'mindistration to ration munies out to senile citizens. I think nothing less than civil war to overthrow an elected government is an appropriate response to anything less than complete abandonment of Socialist Security.
    Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sabotage some union railroad tracks.

  10. "Act NOW"

    and receive a free wallet-sized 2nd amendment card!

    "Our civility is straining at the leash"
    So that's what they call it these days

  11. Anonymous1:33 AM

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  12. I assume Mystery Wart has a plan in place for getting by without all those Eevul Gubmint Subsidies.

  13. Anonymous4:32 AM

    good one ....thanks for sharing..

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.