Faith2Action
Dear Mrs. Porter,
I appreciate your offer to deliver "pink slips" to every member of Congress for one low,low (some might even call it insanely low) price, but I think your pitch could use a little more work.Look at it. You write:
This has never been done before: One click to deliver 535 personalized pink slips to all of Congress. In four days, already more than 850,000 pink slips are on their way to CongressWouldn't it be even better if you added the following:
Imagine boxes and boxes of personalized pink slips from floor to ceiling! It's kind of hard to ignore the message when you're tripping over pink slips!
There is strength in numbers and an unbelievable savings – in both money and time!
If you mailed 535 pink slips through the U.S. Postal Service (with a 44-cent stamp), it would cost you $235 (not counting paper, envelopes, printing and time), but, for the first time in the history of grass-roots activism, your individualized message will be delivered by Fed Ex for a fraction of what it would cost you to mail them yourself.
[ACT NOW!!!!] There is strength in numbers and an unbelievable savings – in both money and time! [DON'T BE THE ONLY ONE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TO MISS THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY!!!!]Isn't that a lot better?
If you mailed 535 pink slips through the U.S. Postal Service (with a 44-cent stamp), it would cost you $235 (not counting paper, envelopes, printing and time), but, for the first time in the history of grass-roots activism, your individualized message will be delivered by Fed Ex for a fraction of what it would cost you to mail them yourself.
[What do you think you'll have to pay to have us deliver your personal pink slip to Congress? $200? NO! It won't cost you that.
It won't cost you $175 either.
No, not $150, not $100, not $75!
It won't cost you even $50.
We'll deliver your pink slips to every member of Congress (A $235 value) FOR THE ASTOUNDINGLY LOW PRICE OF $25.95!!!! Yes, only $25.95! That's less than a carton of smokes!
And IF YOU ACT NOW, we'll throw in a set of genuine Ginzu knives. Made of the finest carbon steel, these knives are perfect for warding of Census Workers, ACORNish looking people, and Mormons!
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. Order your pink slips today, and we'll send you a genuine replica of the belt Dr. James Dobson uses to flog his dachshund. The detail on this holy instrument of love is so fine, you'll want to flog your dachshund for hours on end.
All this--the Dobson Dog Flogger, Ginzu Throwing Knives, and Pink Slip Delivery for only $25.95. Don't miss out. ORDER TODAY!.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal
"...a fraction of the cost."
ReplyDeleteSounds suspiciously like math to me--and math is kin to Science, and we all know where that leads. Why does she hate Jesus?
++++
but wait..thats not all.
ReplyDeleteYou get the Pink slips sent, the Ginzu knives, but if you act within the next 24hours, we'll throw in personalized teabags, each with a picture of Obama on one side and the Whitehouse logo on the other. These personal keepsakes crafted by the Franklin mint in limited supply will only appreciate in value, thus insuring capatilism as the cornerstone of all that is good and right in America.
Really, a Dachshund flogger?
ReplyDeletePink slips? PINK slips?!?eleven? Must be working for the demislamofascistcommie teh ghey conspiracy.
ReplyDeleteGeneral, Sir:
ReplyDeleteDocrailgun hit it bang on the nailhead.
The Islamofaggish conspiratationists had, like, a bazillion reams of pink paper made to use for things like wedding invites in Cali (thank GOD that Mittunswillard's Minions, the SL Morons beat off teh GAY out there!). So, they was left with most of the bazillion reams. What better way to unload it then swindle some poor goodhearted KKKristian lady into buying it and using it the way that Msssssssss Janet Fugger Porter is doing. It's a win-win for teh GAY. There are subliminal "LICK ME" messages all over every square inche of both sides of the paper! It's been reported that Senator L-----y G-----m (no names, wouldn't be fair!) got aholt of someathem slips and, now, he's wearing one! I predict that this will "backdoor" fire in a majoristical way!!
They shoulda got the Shamwow guy for their spokesperson.
ReplyDeleteThis made me start thinking of Michelle Bachman wearing a pink slip. Made of thin silk fabric. One with lacy fringes around the edges covering the naughty bits. I'd settle for a picture of THAT, with her lit from behind, maybe with the spots shining up from a low angle...
ReplyDeleteThat's got me so excited that I'm going to have to start thinking of Nancy Pelosi kitted out with a similar cossie just to cool off.