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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Render unto Miss California the things which are Miss California's

Maggie Gallagher
National Organization For Marriage

Dear Mrs. Gallagher,

By now you are aware that Miss California officials are suing Carrie Prejean to recover the $5,200 they spent on her breast augmentation surgery. They might have a case. It'd be very easy to convince a jury that the boobs were equipment the company issued to her so she could fulfill her job duties, and as such, the company has rights to them. She's lucky they aren't asking her to pay back rent in addition to surgery costs.

You appear to be Miss Prejeans sole source of support. At least, all of her appearances seem to be made on your behalf. Indeed, she has become so associated with NOM, it's become impossible for her to continue her other career as a nude pinup model. I hope you are considering helping her with this lawsuit. I think you owe it to her.

I know money is tight. You have a love segregation vote coming up in Maine, and Lord knows it takes a lot of money to market oppression. With that in mind, you might consider what Jesus said in Matthew 22:21, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's..." In other words, just give the boobs back.

It shouldn't cost you anything if you can get a doctor to donate the surgery. Well, maybe you'll raise a little less money when you send Miss Prejean to speak to Mormon elders, but that potential loss can be mitigated if she brings a few torture flicks along.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblical kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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13 comments:

  1. I'm pretty sure California is still a "No deposit, no return" state. Although I do believe that Christ tried for her tits. I'm sorry: Christ died for her tits. My baddy bad-bad.

    ++++

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  2. I wasn't aware that beauty pagent contestants were allowed to have boob jobs. This should settle the nasty dispute over steroid use by athletes.....anything for the sport!

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  3. Willis:

    I'm afraid you don't really get it. Breastile augmentatiousness is, in this case, deserved if not required. If Ms. Prejean is going to have any moral gravitas in her role as "The New And Improved Mother-O-God™©®" she needs some bodacious and capacious ta-ta's for the role. I mean would you accept a Blessed Virgin whose pillows of joy could not feed her brood? C'mon, Willis, use your head for something besides a breast divider!!

    General, Sir:

    I was gonna say somethin', but I got an achin' in my loins that needs attention. I'll be back...


    democommie™™™™™©®ç åü courant

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  4. General Sir:

    MyFreeImplants.com will be contacting Miss Prejean to cover any anticipated boob costs. Chances are they will do so with the proviso that she bumps up the volume of her jugs.

    It's a small price to pay...

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  5. You appear to be Miss Prejeans sole source of support.

    With headlights like THAT, I think she needs a LOT of support.

    But seriously, when the case comes to trial, they could raise $5,200 from selling tickets to the courtroom on the days when the, ahem, "evidence" is due to be presented...

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  6. If Carrie can't find a way to come up with the 5-large maybe they could get the guy from Vancouver with the razor blade and the horse coagulant to repo the mammaries at issue. I'm sure he'd knock her out first with the homemade honey wine and all...

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  7. General, I must quarrel with the following sentence in your otherwise fine missive:

    "It shouldn't cost you anything if you can get a doctor to donate the surgery."

    Are you some kind of Communist/Socialist/Nazi? Are we not currently debating in the bustling townhalls and great teabag rallies of our fertile nation the destruction that would pour down on us should surgeons provide anything for free?! My God, man, the very underpinning fundaments of our Sacred Liberties would flop to the ground and be diddled by atheists should we be sentenced to endure health care without a generous price tag attached! Are you a General in the CANADIAN Army, for cripe's sake?!

    Ms. Prejean should have her father or brother remove the implants with a clean steak knife on the dining room table, as any good Christian women would! And then she should pay them a nominal fee for their services -- we are not Communists, after all -- assuming, of course, they are not licensed physicians.

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  9. In the law biz, it’s what we call replevin. In order to state a claim for replevin, however, one must have an immediate right to possession of the claimed goods. But I think we can make it stick. You’ll pardon the expression.

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  10. Dear Mr. Tattlesnake:

    I appreciate your boistreperousness and all, but you skate on ice of different kettle of horse feathers when you suggest that the General might be a Canuckistaniak. He is OUR General, the Back Bacon Brigades will have to get their own!!

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  11. God wanted her to have those boobies, and for this one, I'm on God's side.

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  12. Dear Mr. Democommie (if that's your REAL name):

    I have no doubt of the General's basic red-blooded, hell-for-leather, all-man, fully-penised Americanship, but to suggest that physicians should work for free runs roughshod in spiked heels over the quivering buttocks of our Sacred Free Marketeer Economy and the Republican Party for which it stands! To put it in the vernacular, if a sawbones can't make a nice buck from health care, why should he bother practicing medicine? (And, as we all know, the best doctors are always men -- as Superior American Newt Gingrich says, women can't take the hustle and bustle of the ER and the OR -- they just break down crying, especially if it's 'that time of the month'!)

    While I'll claim I admire your right to your opinions, I also reserve my right to scream at you until you shut the hell up, if we were face-to-face in public, that is. Here in this comments section, my freedom of speech is being denied because I am unable to personally confront and intimidate you for daring to question me. My sadness at this situation has led me to suck on an old teabag in grief.

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  13. god loves their children

    kontol

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.