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Monday, October 19, 2009

Crumb turns sweet, tender, beautiful story of incest into something tawdry

Ed Vitagliano
Editor, AFA Journal
American Family Association

Dear Mr. Vitagliano

Why haven't you commented on R. Crumb's Genesis? I saw a few of the illustrations for the first time last night, and I'm absolutely disgusted. Surely, you had the same reaction.

There is so much to hate about this book, I don't know where to begin. I suppose one could start with the fact that Crumb neglected to include a single dinosaur in his Garden of Eden. But I guess that's a comparatively little thing, really; more an example of bias than outright blasphemy.

Far worse is his depiction of Adam and Eve at the moment they first "knew" each other. Crumb has Adam taking Eve from behind as if she were some prized ewe or valued donkey rather than the mother of all mankind. That's just wrong--they call it "doggy-style" for a reason, dammit. If the missionary position was good enough for Jesus Pope Benedict XVI Ted Haggard Chuck Norris, it's good enough for Adam.

But that's nothing compared to the violence Crumb committed against Genesis chapter 19. Here, he took one of the Bible's most beautifully heart-touching stories of family togetherness, Lot's drunken night of incestuous bliss, and illustrated it with tawdry scenes of animal lust. In Gen. 19:32-33 Crumb turns the panel in which Lot is depicted making sweet procreative love with his daughter into the most degenerate kind of pornography possible by adding the ugliness of an erect nipple.

That nipple ruined it for me. It transformed a sweet, touching scriptural story of a drunken family orgy into an evilly potent catalyst for self abuse--so potent in fact, it is impossible to resist peeling one, or two, or even a dozen, off. I can bear witness to that. My little soldier is as raw as a slab of week old liver.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. But don't fanatical Hebrewslims have sex with a sheet in between the man and the woman, with a hole cut at the strategic spot? So this cartoonist's cartoonish attempts at making The Holy Bible into some kind of a sick, sex-filled cartoon don't tell the Hole truth! But if this Crumb-bum used a sheet to cover the protuberant nipples he couldn't titillate us, eh?

  2. When the Word is made flesh
    It's time to undresh


  3. General, Sir:

    Can you clear something up for me? Was the "Serpent" in the garden a one-eyed, spitting, trouser snake?

    Is S. Clay Wilson planning to do something like this, maybe "Pissgums JESUS and the Pervert 'Postles"?

  4. Herr Doktor Prof. Democommie Esq.

    "Pissgums Jesus and the pervert 'postles" -- at last, a name for our new band!

  5. i think lot was the ben franklin of his day, much like franklin discovered electricity with a risky stunt involving a key and a kite, lot, given what happened to his previous wife was looking to see if he had discovered salt peter.

  6. Bukko:

    In fish-stockings, mesh...


  7. General, Sir:

    "My little soldier is as raw as a slab of week old liver."

    It's none of my business, really, but the liver has other uses than you might be familiar with. I actually believe that the line, "The secret's in the sauce" was originated by Philip Roth in "Portnoy's Complaint", not Fannie Flagg in "Fried Green Tomatoes".

  8. Wasn't there something about a special sauce in "There's Something About Mary"? (Not the Virgin Mary, I mean.)

  9. Mr. Crumb has long been a thorn in the side -- verily, even a lance! -- of the Pious Christianally with his 'artistic' renderings of American despair, Flakey Floot, large-bottomed women, and the degenerate Mr. Natural. (Who should really be called 'Mr. UNnatural,' if you ask me.) To read Mr. Crumb's catoonish babblings, one would think America -- the greatest country that ever bestrode the earth! -- is in trouble and full of desperate drug-tranquilized, sex-obsessed imbeciles constantly out to scam each other for profit!

    It's appropriate that Mr. Crumb has moved himself and his family to an undisclosed location in southern France (that's right -- FRANCE!) where he is out of reach of the wagging finger of God's Own Revenge! Ah, but his judgment awaits at the intersection of Hellfire and Eternal Doom, just across the street from the Walmart on Rt. 3, and let his Rapidograph save him then!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.