Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Don't ask. Don't Tell. Just Prosecute

Vice Admiral Dirk J. Debbink
Commander, Navy Reserves

Dear VADM Debbink,

Please accept this email as a formal request to investigate Rep. Mark Kirk (Cmdr, Naval Reserves) for violating 10 U.S.C § 564 (commonly referred to as Don't Ask, Don't Tell or DADT).

According to Lake County Illinois GOP leader Ray True, Rep Kirk "surrounds himself with homosexuals." Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser confirms True's allegation and adds that Rep Kirk. "is part of a Republican Party homosexual club."

Now, I'm not sure exactly what a "GOP homosexual club" is, but you should follow Kirk to see if frequents a place where Chamber of Commerce types dress like gladiators and spank each other's bare asses with spatulas while tearfully screaming "faggot!" That's probably the spot.

You shouldn't worry about the political repercussions of investigating a sitting congressman and senate candidate. Rep. Kirk supports DADT. Certainly, he'd be happy to see it used to clear his name.

Please keep me informed about the progress of the investigation.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
American Christian Militia

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.


  1. General, Sir:

    Has teh GAYflu taken another victim? Has another of the GOP's staunchest, most redblooded, erect and ejaculating* members dissolved into a puddle of simpering mangoo juice? I blame it all on Barney, the dinotainer not the Massachusetts congressfag. Frank is straight up not straight, Sir, if you get my meaning (and if you do, please let me know what I meant). Barney the Gayosaur, however, is a kettle of fish of a different color of Shank's mare.

    Barney does all that, "be nice to your playmates, kids, and don't for fuck' sake light anyomore of them on fire!" and "let's sing our songs about peace and love and pick our shit up off the floor so mommy won't have to beat us with a wire coathanger" and the like. But have you seen the mouth on that lizard, Sir? I mean Jonah and the whale could both fit in that maw with room left over for Ali Baba and the forty thieves, 72 virgins and the entire cast of all the versions of Law & Order since the Original version with Michael Moriarty. Every time I see him (I don't got no teevee, so I wait until my neighbor lady is gone and watch hers) it makes my little soldier get all fidgety and then I do something shameful--I watch the NPR Newshour with the guy that ain't dead like the other guy who used to be on with him. I know, Sir, it's a slimy slope, but it's not my fault, it's DinoBarney's!!

    Happy New Year, Sir.

    Footnote 2: Sir, "ejaculating" is not a bad word. When I was an altered boy at Our Lady Of The Four Corners And Straight Across Bingo Church my prayer primer had the celebrant's (priest to you unbelieve.., oh wait, I'm an unbeliever,too. Dratfuckit!) script in red and the sheeple's responses in black. During some prayin' times the celebrant would stimulate us orally and then we would ejaculate in response, honest, Sir. It was okay, back in the day, before I joined the Corps of Jesus' General and learned that "Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but a Mason Jar has 'broad shoulder, a wide mouth and incredibly tight seal'"

  2. "GOP homosexual club" is just a horrid, insensitive way to describe Log Cabin Republicans.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.