- Acting out all His smitings during family home evening.
- When a family member has acne or boils, I pretend he or she is Job and blame every misfortune on the son of a bitch..
- Re-enacting God's smiting the Philistines of Ashdod, Gath, and Bethshemesh with hemorrhoids by going down to the local laundrymat and adding a little fiberglass to the underwear loads.
- Watching His picture, waiting for him to wink or cry tears of blood.
- I peek into windows looking for masturbaters. When I find one, I pretend he's Onan and tase the bastard.
Christ's Blood Spritzer
club soda or mineral water
lime wedge for garnishFill the communion cup with ice.Jesus' Flesh Pie
Pour in the wine to fill the cup half way
Top with club soda or mineral water.
Add a splash of lime (It cuts through the blood's overwhelming iron taste)
Garnish with a lime wedge.
Ingredients:3 cups communion wafersPreparation:
3/4 cup chopped onion
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
habanero peppers (add to taste)
2-1/2 cups chiliPreheat oven to 350°F.
Spread 2 cups of communion wafers in a baking dish. Sprinkle half the onion and half the cheese over the wafers. Pour the chili over the onion and cheese. Sprinkle the remaining communion wafers, onion and cheese over the chili.
Bake for 15 or 20 minutes until cheese is bubbly, but be sure to pull it out before jesus' flesh is gooey with cheese oil.
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