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Monday, January 25, 2010

Holy Hankies for the Holocaust

Margaret Ali
Chair, Universal Peace Federation (UPF)

Dear Ms. Ali,

I wish I could travel to London to participate in the Genocide Awareness and Holocaust Commemoration you're holding next week. No one puts on a show quite like the Rev. Sun Myung Moon--all those crownings and gold and holy hankies--and I'm sure, as a part of the Moon empire, UFP will organize the event in accordance with the True Father's directives.

Will the True Father will be there to provide his special perspective on the cause of the Holocaust? Surely, if any Jews are attending, they'd want to hear Rev. Moon repeat lines like these:
Who are the Jewish members here, raise your hands! Jewish people, you have to repent. Jesus was the King of Israel. Through the principle of indemnity Hitler killed 6 million Jews. That is why. God could not prevent Satan from doing that because Israel killed the True Parents.
I'm also wondering what else you'll be doing to reach out to any Jews who might attend. Something simple, personal, and heartfelt is called for. Something that will touch them and move them.

Perhaps you could let them sniff your holy hankies.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. AL-freaking-I?!? What kindofa name is that to be having anything to do with the Holycost, unless it's oneathem people perpetuating it? Sounds mighyt Mahometan to me....

  2. So after sex you're supposed to wipe up with a Holy Hanky, and then leave your respective hankies out to dry? Sounds like Hanky Jerky preparations. Do they also have recipe for Love Nuts, what with the Super Bowl coming up.

    I'll take my answer off the air.


  3. Personally, I think genocide awareness week is a positive step. I've had to live with genocidal tendancies nearly all my life and I've had to suffer in silence. People just don't understand that when I kill off a minority in Africa, it isn't because I want to. It is because of my genes. I can't help it and I shouldn't be held responsible. I can't choose my genes. Genocide awareness week means that people gain understanding about my affliction. They won't shun me as a psychopathic mass murderer. They will see me as a *person* with a challenge. Perhaps, at some idyllic point in the future, some of those minorities I slaughter may pity and accept my differences as a person rather than be shit scared of being wiped out. Is it too must to dream?

  4. Do they also have recipe for Love Nuts, what with the Super Bowl coming up?

    I got a singing version of yer "Love Nuts" right here, buddy!

  5. Herr General,

    Was just wonder if Republican Jesus had anything to say about the "Fire Arm of Jesus Christ",
    not to be confused with a "pussy 'Jewzzi' (Jew + Uzi)
    made of course by Trijicon of the Biblically Blessed Sights.

    Any road, I think you'll get a kick out of the entire article :D

  6. Correction: To be clear, the Holy "Fire Arm of Jesus" is of course made by Trijicon,
    not a Jewzzi

    but you already knew that ;)


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.