Texas Sate School Board
Dear Mrs. Leo,
A lot of people are laughing at you for the Bill Martin mistake, but I hope you aren't allowing it to get you down. It was an honest mistake; one anyone could make. I mean, hey, who could have guessed there were two Bill Martins--one a philosopher who writes about marxislamunistofacism, and, the other, a kiddie lit author who writes stories about bears.
So, you got them confused and banned the children's books writer. I'm just happy you you tried to save the students of Texas' from being indoctrinated into Godless communism. Who knows what kind of trouble they'd get into into once they learned about dialectical materialism--you know how kids love that kind of stuff.
Your teachers wouldn't have any time to teach. They'd be fending off proletarian hordes of eight-year-olds all day long. The mini-marxists would seize the means of milk and graham cracker refreshment, and, it being Texas, it would end in blood being shed. Yes, Chuck Norris and the Texas Rangers would have to shoot the little reds or risk losing control of the state's snack time
And of course, Marxism is a stepping stone to long hair, marijuana, and putting your little soldier into the dark cave of shame. So, see, your intentions were good.
Or maybe, you accidentally hit on something. Reading bear stories is just as dangerous as reading treatises on Marxist philosophy. Hairy, fat homosexualists call themselves bears, and, I suspect they recruit children into homosexualism with these bear stories. Just look at the Berenstain Bears. Papa wears a damned flower in his hat. That's not very heterosexual, now, is it?
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and thoroughly Adam Smith kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Tip of the ol' helmet to David Kevin.
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