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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bolsheviks and Bears Ain't Welcome in Brownsville

Terri Leo
Texas Sate School Board

Dear Mrs. Leo,

A lot of people are laughing at you for the Bill Martin mistake, but I hope you aren't allowing it to get you down. It was an honest mistake; one anyone could make. I mean, hey, who could have guessed there were two Bill Martins--one a philosopher who writes about marxislamunistofacism, and, the other, a kiddie lit author who writes stories about bears.

So, you got them confused and banned the children's books writer. I'm just happy you you tried to save the students of Texas' from being indoctrinated into Godless communism. Who knows what kind of trouble they'd get into into once they learned about dialectical materialism--you know how kids love that kind of stuff.

Your teachers wouldn't have any time to teach. They'd be fending off proletarian hordes of eight-year-olds all day long. The mini-marxists would seize the means of milk and graham cracker refreshment, and, it being Texas, it would end in blood being shed. Yes, Chuck Norris and the Texas Rangers would have to shoot the little reds or risk losing control of the state's snack time

And of course, Marxism is a stepping stone to long hair, marijuana, and putting your little soldier into the dark cave of shame. So, see, your intentions were good.

Or maybe, you accidentally hit on something. Reading bear stories is just as dangerous as reading treatises on Marxist philosophy. Hairy, fat homosexualists call themselves bears, and, I suspect they recruit children into homosexualism with these bear stories. Just look at the Berenstain Bears. Papa wears a damned flower in his hat. That's not very heterosexual, now, is it?

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and thoroughly Adam Smith kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tip of the ol' helmet to David Kevin.

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  1. "And of course, Marxism is a stepping stone to long hair, marijuana, and putting your little soldier into the dark cave of shame. So, see, your intentions were good."

    I never thought of Marxism as gateway drug....but, damn! That's what happened to me when I was in college. It's all true....the long hair, the marijuana, and well, my poor little soldier. Good on these people!

  2. I thought Bill Martin was a manager of the New York Yankees (and before that a shortstop who was no Rizzuto) who got fired twice by Steinbrenner. I saw something about that once on a baseball documentary show called "Seinfeld."

  3. They should save themselves the trouble and just ban all books in the Texas school system. What the hell good are they? Has anyone ever read a book that turned them into a God-fearing, Texas Republican anyway?

  4. I drove through Texas a couple of times. It was the only thing I could figure out to do with it.

    I suppose I could write a book about it, but it would be banned and I'd be right back here, thinking about bears with flowers in their hats.


  5. When Churchill called Islam the most retrograde force in the world he clearly didn't know anything about American school boards

  6. Honestly, General, you can't expect the woman to look at every book she banned. That's what lackeys and Liberty University interns are for.

  7. I've always wondered what that 'Don't mess with Texas' message was all about.

    Is that their way of saying 'Don't mess with our God-given ignorance?'

    Hey, I'm just a visitor here ...

  8. Strangely, I never read the Berenstein Bears as a child.

    We did have a number of filmstrips of them in elementary school and we watched those with some regularity. Which makes me wonder, what happened to film strips? They were a fundamental part of my early education and they seem to have gone by the wayside.

    Power point is not a substitute.

  9. Yes, General, I understand "Bears" is a code word for Homosexual men, or maybe Homosecular (HomoNonChristian).


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.